Have I Told You (PUBLISHED)

Chapter Thirty Six

Chapter Thirty Six

Eisley

After she left, I turned around to see her running in tears. I made her cry again. I'm her downfall. I want to become someone she needs; someone to stay by her side through thick and thin, but I can't. Just when I found my purpose in life, it suddenly wants me dead.

I don't want to be selfish, but seeing Tyrese trying so hard to be with me in spite of my condition makes me feel like I'm only thinking about myself when in truth, I think about her all the time. I'm weak. I'm aware. I'm going to die soon. I'll only make her life worse.

Kahit discharged na siya, lagi niya pa rin akong pinupuntahan sa hospital. I always feel tired and restless nowadays. It's hard to breathe at times. My head's dizzy. Living had been difficult for me physically and emotionally, but now, it's umpteenth times worse.

"Please let me live longer," I ask my doctor. "I'll do everything you say. I'm not asking for too much. Just... four or five months more." I slowly kneel down the floor. "I desperately want to see my child. Let me see my child."

Afterward, I go to the chapel. I close my eyes and bow down, kneeling before Him.

I know I don't deserve any of your blessings. I don't even go to church, so it's really shameful that I'm asking you for a favor. I rarely pray... but please... kahit ngayon lang. If you hear me, can you give me an extension? Four or five months is enough. I'm not asking for more. Just a few more months until she gives birth. I need to spend more time with her and my child needs his father. I don't want to be like my dad. Let me do my job as Tyrese's husband and child's father before taking me. I'm not sure if I'll go there. Maybe not. But, this is my last wish. Can you give this to me? Can you please let me redeem myself and give me the energy to make her happy even just for a while?

As soon as I stand up and turn around, I see a familiar person. It's Tyrese's dad. He nods to acknowledge me. He says he's been looking for me and wants to speak with me, so we go to the café inside the hospital. We can't go back in my room since Tyrese's there. They just got here.

"Sorry," is the first word that comes out of my mouth. "I apologize, sir."

He looks serious. "Do you love my daughter?" I'm grateful he doesn't ask how I am doing. I'm sick of my illness. Talking about it will only make it worse.

"To death," I answer, not even thinking twice. 'Yun ang unang lumabas sa bibig ko. I love her that it hurts. "I'll love her until I die. And if there really is an afterlife, I'd love her until then... and the life after that... and the next. It doesn't end."

If she didn't come into my life, death would be a lot easier. However, living without her wouldn't be worthwhile. She really is my sunshine.

Hindi ko alam kung nagsisisi akong tinanggap ko pa siya o sana una pa lang, pinapasok ko na siya buhay ko para mas marami kaming oras na magkasama. I should have grabbed the opportunity to spend time with her when were in high school. When I'm with her, no amount of time is enough.

I want all my time to be with her and our child, but I lack time.

"Do you want to marry her?"

"I'd like to, sir, but I'm not deserving of her love. She deserves so much more than a dying human. She doesn't need a patient. I'll be a burden instead of her husband." I take a deep breath. "But I'd want more time to make her happy."

"And how would you that?"

I tell him plans, and he agrees with me. Kung kailangan ko raw ng tulong niya, tawagan ko lang siya. Binigay niya yung number niya sa akin at binigay ko rin yung akin sa kanya. He also gives me Mrs. Dela Cruz's number.