The Sarcastic Army- Chapter 1

"I'm afraid Mr Wilson will have to find alternative educational arrangements," said the Headmistress mournfully and my social worker, Rhia, clasped her head in despair. This was the third time this year I'd sat in a school court room, staring at the names carved into the wooden desk by people in exactly the same predicament However most of those wouldn't be on their 19th school after being "politely" expelled, the longest I'd lasted was around 5 months. Like I cared about this pathetic school anyway, I'd be on my way to another dire institute in a week maybe 2 if luck went my way.

"Please reconsider," Rhia begged, "there are no more boarding schools left that will take someone with his record,"

Well that was a welcome surprise, I was fed up of living and breathing the same air as the rich tearaways that were rebelling against their millionaire daddies rule, they were pathetic little wankers that struck at the weak and sucked the bollocks of the strong. I didn't expect the cunt of a headmistress to change her mind, she'd been looking for an excuse to expel me for ages looks like she'd found it. Disruptive behaviour, original.

Walking out of the office, Rhia screaming incoherent questions that I didn't acknowledge never mind answer. She steered me ferociously towards her black bmw, its shaded windows and chrome trim all too familiar. It stood, an omen of despair like the four horseman's damned chariot heralding some other melodramatic apocalypse. She pushed me through the open door and with no resistance I sat in the passenger seat. She climbed in and set next to me in the driver's seat, her black trouser suit crumpling as she sat down. She buckled her seat-belt but just sat there, tapping the keys on the steering wheel.

"What happened Wills," I shrugged in reply, interview technique was appropriate here. No commenting meant no incriminating evidence. "I thought you were getting on well," another shrug. "No suspensions and only a handful of detentions, what did you do?" "Exist," I shot, damn my rapier wit. Her eyebrows rose, "why do you think the whole worlds got it in for you?"

"Actually it's just everyone in it, I'm sure nature itself has nothing against me," It didn't get the reaction I'd hoped for, instead of her eyes widening in annoyance they narrowed in a studious expression. "Sarcasm, could indicate sublimated stress relief," she said to herself and I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Or boredom, I know you're a child psychologist but seriously,"

She sighed deeply in an effort, I was sure, to control her temper. "this wilful disobedience of yours is at its limit," she interrupted before I could start "and don't you dare say would it be better to be accidentally disobedient because no it wouldn't," I slid away from her angered exasperated gaze and onto the grey prison like walls of the office block, the same shade as the aged gravestones in the church next door.

"So why?" she asked again,

"Because... I was bored," and her eyebrows sored up behind her hairline. "You set a fire extinguisher off on top of a stack of laptops, because you were bored?"

"Well it sounds bad when you put it like that,"

"Oh really, it SOUNDS bad does it? That might be because it is bad, do you have any idea how much those laptops cost?" I wanted to say I knew exactly how much they cost, £349.99 retail price but of course they would have got a multi-buyer discount so it would be more like £270. Instead of pointing out this fact I chose a diplomatic silence and she charged on ahead.

"I've tried and tried with you William," she continued, we were on the full name treatment now "I've analysed your behaviour, first I thought it was a cry for attention and then perhaps a fight for control but now I've come to a completely different conclusion. Do you know what that is?" Of course not, I'm not a fucking mind reader I wanted to add but bit down on my tongue savagely and instead shook my head solemnly. "You like the chaos. You do it for the thrill, you just like to rebel for the sake of rebelling." Actually it was much simpler than that, I'm just a prick. She turned away at my lack of response, turning the keys and bringing the engine growling to life. She pulled out of the carpark in a fluid arc and we settled seamlessly into a strained silence.