"the gang is meeting at the pub tonight, should i tell them we're in?" he asked.
"i don't know if i want to go," i said.
"come on, it'll be fun. you bailed the last couple times we were in town as well."
"exactly. i haven't spoken to them in ages. why don't you go without me? tell them i hard a work thing."
"and let them know that your college internship is more important than them? don't you miss hanging out with them?"
"i don't know. i don't know if i miss 'hanging out'? i don't remember what being around them felt like?" i said warily.
"how can you not? human interaction is such a precious thing," he said.
here's the thing, i thought to myself,
i find it increasingly easy to just avoid physical interaction?
to avoid humans?
idk the reason behind this.
but here's what i've noticed, if someone stops
making an effort to stay connected w me, we won't talk.
as horrible as it sounds, it's true.
i have so many people in my life who send me messages along the lines of 'i miss you' / 'it sucks that we hardly talk anymore' and i say the same things back because it's expected of me? not because i mean it? i hardly miss people. i think i've subconsciously come to terms with the fact that they aren't a part of my life any more and i just move on. i subconsciously also blame myself for it. some part of me, will think 'oh they got bored of me' or 'my lack of expressing myself is the reason people stop talking to me' but i never act on it? i'll just let it be.
and i don't know what i'm getting at but it sucks that i have just accepted the fact that people will leave. it sucks that i believe that they'll never come back. it sucks that if they do, i assume it's only to leave, again.
human interaction. // tanisha jain
