Sincerely, Aurora

ii

[in which aurora writes to someone who loved her]

Bryan,                                                                                        [June 15: Summer]

                I saw you at a party and I wanted you. It was mostly the alcohol in my body that wanted you, but nonetheless, I wanted you. We’ve all just graduated and someone decided it was time we throw another party before any more people leave our sad little town of Lake Wood. Ever since Marcus’ party of junior year, I haven’t really gone to many parties—I’ve been dragged to them. This time, Michelle was the one to drag me to the last party of Lake Wood’s class of ’11.

                I didn’t really want to go, nor see the people there. I’m finally free of the torment of high school and now I’m back with those who tormented me? I guess it was okay, knowing that I didn’t care anymore. As you know, senior year was a turning point to me. I began to drink and smoke a lot. You should know this since it went around school again, and again, and again. I was seriously the only thing you people were interested in since you sent rumors flying and flying. But at the party, I realized you weren’t one of them.

                Michelle and I walked in and she was apparently friends with your friends, making us friends. I mean, that’s how the high school social circle works, right? You were fun—you weren’t the quiet boy who I copied off of in geometry, you were loud and obnoxious and fun. We took shots and smoked weed and did all sorts of things. Hell, we even peed in the bathtub.

We looked like we were a couple for years; people began to ask how long we’ve been together. It was like we were in junior high. You gave light kisses and held me like I was yours. You asked for a kiss every time you left the room without me and always stole glances. It wasn’t until we decided to ditch the party with a few bottles of booze and went into your car.

Then we fucked, yeah, not the most romantic way to say it but that’s what it was. I’m not trying to hurt you again, Bryan, I just wanted to clarify. Because we didn’t make love, we fucked. Please know this. Because what followed wasn’t what I had planned to happen.

You took me to the library where you volunteered. You had such a big heart to volunteer at the library (for kids, I should add) that they even gave you keys to it. So we went in and you talked and talked and talked about your life dreams and goals in life. It was like we had a deep conversation and we truly understood each other.

But we didn’t.

You tried, really hard. I’m not sure if it was just all the drugs we were under, but boy, the mouth on you. It was great, really! It was nice to hear everything you had to say. Except for what you said when you dropped me off.

We fell asleep in the library around two but I woke up around five, remembering I had snuck out the night before and my parents wake up seven. You took me home and I thanked you, but before I could get out of the car, you stole a kiss and said the forbidden words: “I love you.”

Don’t get me wrong, Bryan, it was nice. But we’d just met and you didn’t know my ins and outs or how I walked and talked. You knew what I let you know and vice versa. I know, I should have said something then, so I wouldn’t have hurt you. But I panicked.

I’m sorry, for telling you I’d call you and then climbing back to my room. I’m sorry for ignoring all of your messages on facebook and such. I was just so unsure on what to say to you. I mean, what do you do when someone thinks one night together is love? You can’t just crush their dreams, right? Ugh, I’m sorry, Bryan.

My last words to you, Bryan: I don’t think about you too often but you for sure run my mind. I want to thank you for adoring me all night. I want to thank you for letting me forget my worries for a night. You made me feel loved, Bryan. Thank you.

 

                                                                              Sincerely, Aurora.