This Love Will Never Die

Chapter Three

Raelyn's POV

When I stormed into my bus, it was empty. I figured that Max would still be 'catching up' with Vic and the other guys would be catching up with the rest of Sleeping With Sirens and meeting new people, but a small part of me really hoped someone would be here, especially now. I needed someone to talk to; instead, I started for the bathroom.

Once inside, I braced my arms on the sink and stared at my reflection for a long time. My eye liner and mascara were smeared down my face. I grabbed a rag and tried to scrub it away but I just made it worse. I threw down the rag and pulled at my hair, pacing the floor. I fought the urge but eventually lost and ripped off my skinny jeans. I'd learned that the best way to hide this kind of addiction was to do it where no one would think to look.

I sat on the floor with my blade and watched it reflect in the light for a while before pressing it against my thigh. Within a few minutes, I'd made five new cuts to join the others.

Max came bounding up the stairs with Vic in tow thirty minutes later. I was sitting on the couch flipping TV channels with a looser pair of jeans on. I'd fixed my make-up so I was certain that I looked completely normal and gave no one any reason to worry about me.

I looked up as soon as she threw open the door with a squeal. "Did you hear about karaoke night?" She plopped on the couch beside me.

I smiled at her and temporarily forgot about my fight with Kellin. "Yes I did. Oli told me."

"Oli? As in Oliver Sykes?" I confirmed and she bounced up and down excitedly. I laughed at her and Vic rolled his eyes.

"She's been like this all day," he said.

"Can you blame me? We're at Warped Tour!" She cheered, throwing her fists in the air and we laughed again. "Anyways, Rae, you and I should get ready. We need to look extra hot tonight." She winked at me.

I looked down at my hands. "I kind of don't feel like going," I mumbled.

She gave me an odd look for a second before asking Vic to give us a minute. "Yeah, sure, take all the time you need. I'll see you tonight." He kissed her cheek and left the bus, leaving Max and I alone.

"Now, why don't you want to go? You love karaoke." I didn't answer her. "Rae, what's wrong?"

I picked my head up to look at her, tears filling my eyes again, but I refused to cry. "Kellin and I had a fight."

"Oh, sweetie," Max cooed and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "Tell me everything."

"Well, when I ran into Oli, Kellin got really upset. Then whenever we left to go back to the bus, he told me that he'd been a little jealous and he thought that I liked him. I told him that I didn't, that I only liked him. But I also told him that I still wasn't ready for a relationship and he got really mad at me, saying that if I was waiting for it to be easier that we'd never be together. And then he accused me of using this as an excuse so I wouldn't have to be with him." I took a deep breath and dabbed at my eyes, keeping the tears from falling. Shaking my head, I abruptly stood up from the couch. "But it doesn't matter now. Like I told him, he should be with someone who deserves him, and I don't so..." I trailed off my sentence and Max looked at me worriedly.

"What are you talking about? You deserve the very best, Rae, and I know that Kellin loves you more than anything." She stood face to face with me.

"Bullshit, Max. Look at me. I'm nothing. I have no reason for being here; I'm one of God's little jokes for the world to laugh at."

"No you're not! Raelyn, listen to me, you are not nothing. You've helped save so many lives in the short time that you've been here. You did that! You're not God's joke. What's gotten into you? What's making you think these things again?" Tears were making her green eyes sparkle and I could see her hands shaking at her sides.