Take 2

~Chapter 2~

       How many months had it been since that incident? Six? I'm not sure. I had gotten the surgery done, but the cancer spread, meaning more operations and hospital time.
My eyes stared blankly at the white ceiling above me. There was a subtle knock at the door. "May I come in Alicia?" A soft voice asked. I glimpsed over but didn't respond. The door slowly opened. "I brought you some milk and cookies."
"Mom..." I began. "How long will it be?" Mom's lips quivered.
"Well... a few more weeks?" She responded, forcing a smile. She set down the tray of cookies and sat down next to the hospital bed. "You're going to be fine! In a few weeks you'll be discharged and things will get better." I rolled over, opposite of my mother. I knew she'd begin to tear up the moment she saw me. I let her have her moment.
"Mom don't cry again. Your eyes will get more puffy." I mumbled, slowly closing my eyes.
"Who said I'm crying." She laughed grabbing a tissue. "I'm fine! I'm sad for you."
"There's no point in that. I'm not sad about it, so neither should you." I chuckled. She placed her hand on top mine. I could feel the warmth of her, and the unstable movements she'd developed.
"Your brother wants to visit but he's too busy with college and work." She said. I removed my hand from underneath her.
"Sure he is." I whispered. Busy as in girls, and college as in hanging out and dropping out of classes. I knew my brother better than my own parents.
"Alicia, I actually came to tell you something else." Continued my mom. "I got a job offer in Seattle. It's temporary but I need it. I'll be leaving in two weeks time."
I whipped my head around. "What?"
"You heard me. It's wonderful! Trust me. I'll be back in less than a year. I'll call and try to send your brother over to visit you."
"You're kidding." I gaped.
"Alicia Von Katre!" Exclaimed the woman. "Enough is enough! I'm doing this for us! Your dad, your brother, you, and I!" There was a long pause. We both knew that dad was gone, but we acted like he was still here with us. "I want to go do this so that I won't lose another loved one." She cried. She sniffed and looked away. "I'm sorry you don't agree with this decision but it's for the best." There was silence for a while before mom rose up and headed towards the door. "I'm leaving now. I'll call you when I arrive in Seattle." She stood, back at my face. She was expecting an answer but I said nothing. There was a little slam, and foot steps following along. Only then did I turn around, only to see a closed door. I couldn't believe what my mother was doing. Trickles of tears rolled down my cheeks. I was truly lonely, with no one to look up to. I called for the nurse to allow me up the roof. The nurse assisted me to the stairs before letting me go. Each step hurt, but I almost always went up to see the sky. As I opened the rusted metal door, a blast of chilled wind froze my breath. It was the middle of March, but there was still a chill upon Alberta. I continued toward the set of chairs put out near the edge of the rooftop. I sat down cautiously, so that I don't do more harm to myself. Some squeaks occurred beneath me. Mice? Couldn't be. Maybe it's time for some new chairs. I'm sure to ask the nurse for some. Taking in a few cold breaths, I observed the sky. It looked the same as the day I got injured. Grey. Feisty. Threatening. It seemed like ages before I relieved my eyes, and blinked.
"I'm good from here." A voice said. I rotated faster than I ever had. It was a guy. Maybe in his early 20's, tall, handsome, startling blue eyes, a bit of facial hair around his mouth area and chin, he pulled off a hockey hair style, and wore a leather jacket and blue jeans. He stared at me, mouth slightly opened. "Ah... I'm sorry, am I disturbing you?" He questioned. I slowly shook my head, and awkwardly smiled.
"No not at all." I swallowed "In fact I was about to leave." I stood up and waddled, meaning to leave the roof.
"Hold on." The guy said, holding my arm. Alarmed I pulled away.
"WHAT?" I yelled. Startled, I covered my mouth. He backed away a couple feet.
"Nothing. I'm sorry. You needn't leave." He whispered. "Alicia, right?" I blinked multiple times before replying.
"What? Yes, but how did you know?"
"No particular reason." He replied, blocking the view to his face. There was a hint of red on his cheeks and ears. "The name's James." He continued. I laughed. He looked like a James.
"Hello James, as you somehow know, my name's Alicia. Alicia Von Katre, nice to meet you." I extended my hand to shake. He took the hand and shook, eye to eye contact, smiling. "Umm, anyway, I probably should go back in. It's getting chilly." I let go of James' hand and put mine back into my pocket.
"Oh of course. Shall I assist you down? Don't you feel pain when you walk?" He asked, blowing into his cupped hands. He looked expectantly my way. I was slightly weirded out, but allowed This transaction to happen.
"Yes, yes I suppose so." My feet began taking steps towards the rusted metal door. A sudden warmth overcame my left hand. James' hand was on top mine. I retrieved my hand and backed up a few steps.
"Sorry, I don't really know you and I have a problem with physical contact." I explained, putting my hands back into my pockets. The very thought of hand holding, especially with a guy, made me want to cry and scream. "I'm sorry."
"No I'm sorry. It was quite rude of me to hold your hand. After all, you don't know me." He whispered something else, but I couldn't comprehend what he might've said. We continued to go down the stairs. "Cancer. Breast cancer. Stage 2, age 19 turning 20 in April 19. Started as stage 1 cancer, had an accident October 12, 2015. I believe the road was around University of Alberta." James didn't look up. I was baffled. Unable to say anything I stopped in shock. "You're studying for performance arts diploma. Am I correct?" He glanced up. 
"How'd you know." I breathed.
"I'm sorry Alicia." He whispered. He bent onto his knees and cupped his face. "I hit you. I'm sorry, I wasn't looking. I was frustrated with stuff and didn't see you, or the lights. I've been visiting the hospital for a while but I didn't know how to apologize to you. I always checked up on you, I'm sorry Alicia, I'm so very sorry." He collapsed onto the step and streams of tears came rolling down. I was too shocked to say anything. He's crying... because of me. It was partly my fault. It really was. And if I hadn't gotten in that accident I would've suffered from the cancerous infection. I wanted to say that to him. But I couldn't find the words at that moment. I simply put my hand on him shoulder and pat it.
"It's... ok James." I managed. He looked up, eyes bloodshot and sad. He wiped the tears that had spread down his eyes to his chin.
"It's not ok. I couldn't forgive myself for the past 6 months." He cried. I helped him up, boosting him with the little strength I had.
"It's in some way good," I said "If I hadn't gotten that accident, I would be in critical condition from my cancer." James clasped my hand, making me jump. He immediately let go, as though he just remembered what I had said.
"I'll make it up to you." He said. He drew closer to me. "I promise." I could feel his breath on my ear. I became bright red, as I slowly backed away again.
"We're almost at my hospital room." I announced, changing the subject.
"Oh, that's right. Room number 303. I always come by to see you through the window pane." He looked down. "I just recently got the courage to confront you." I continued to walk the few steps down until I arrived at my room.
"It's fine James. It was my fault too." I choked, unable to continue. "Goodbye for now." I left him in the hallway as I closed my door and turned the lights off. James seemed nice, but it was all so sudden it was almost creepy. I rolled into my blankets, making it a 'burrito' and shutting my eyes as tight as I could. I closed them so fast and hard I could see lights dancing in my eyelids.
Is this really happening to me?