Captain Swan - The Writings On The Wall

Don't Get Jealous

Killian woke up the next morning with Emma snug in his arms, her breathing soft against his chest. It was one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to have her there and they weren't actually naked, which made it even better. He loved when the moments they shared weren't about sex. Not that he didn't love the sex, because lord knows he did, but he also loved when they were just together like old times. Those moments had become rare since they started having sex because she said that there had to be some boundaries for this to work and thus establishing rules. Those rules, however, were slowly being broken one by one. This gave him hope that maybe they could be more. And that maybe Belle was right. Maybe she did love him more than he knew. Maybe they could begin a normal romantic relationship.

He kissed the back of her head through her disheveled hair as she stirred awake. She turned around, a weak smile pulling at her lips as her eyelids slowly opened, her long lashes revealing the sparkling green eyes he had fell in love with fifteen years ago.

"How are you feeling love?"

"Better. Although, I kind of wish I wasn't, so I'd have an excuse not to go dress shopping with my sister today."

He looked at her confused. "How come? I thought you were happy for her."

"I am but... I don't know. Seeing her getting married is just a reminder of all of the things I don't have."

He arched a curious brow at her. "What things, exactly?"

"You know, having someone to spend the rest of my life with. Having breakfast with them every morning and doing the crossword puzzle together while drinking coffee at the kitchen table and not having to engage in mundane conversation because the silence is so comfortable that there's no need for it."

Killian swallowed thickly as he searched her eyes. She had never talked about this before. She had never talked about sharing a future with someone while having a clear picture in her mind of what that would look like. It turns out that they had similar pictures. "Do you want those things?"

Her face fell as she looked away from him. "I don't know what I want." She disentangled herself from his hold and sat up with her legs crossed.

"Emma?"

She turned her head around and looked at him with that look of hers that he know so well. That look that she tried to hide behind when she was trying to conceal her feelings. It was like her eyes were putting up imaginary walls to protect herself from giving into her emotions. But it wasn't a cold, heartless look; Emma was anything but that. It was a look of pure fear.

"Love, please come back to me," he said in a soft, soothing voice as he reached out his hand to her.

Her features slowly relaxed and she finally took it, but he could tell her walls were still up.

There was a long silence as they just sat their holding hands. But it was far from comfortable. Killian could tell that the wheels were turning in her head and normally he could read her like an open book, but she looked too distant.

Then she blurted her thoughts out like they would have no effect on him. "Killian, I think that you should hook up with someone."

He froze at her words, a wave of terror shooting through his body as he tried to find the words to respond. "What?"

"You should find someone else to have sex with. We both should."

"You can't be bloody serious?" he asked a bit harshly as he released her hand. It was like she had just kicked him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

"I am."

He closed his eyes as he tried to process what she was telling him. It would have been different if she had just told him that she wanted to end the physical part of their relationship, that he could accept, but telling him that she wanted him to be intimate with someone else while she did the same was just too hard to digest. "So you just want me to go?"