A Spell for Happiness
Take one on the full moon
And the half moon
And even the quarter moon.
Actually, just take it every moon.
Once a day, that's what it says on the label.
60 milligrams by mouth, morning or eve; it won't make a difference
But if you really want it to work
Just the same as it should,
Bless it by the Gods to show your conviction.
Light candles four: North, South, East and West
Assigning the elements to each
And you put your dosage in the middle.
When invoking the Gods,
It's always best to use Elizabethan diction
Even if Incorrectly.
So when in doubt just add the suffix -eth
To as many words-eth as-eth possible-eth.
So you say something like:
Oh great-eth one,
Swallow mine sorrows
As I swallow-eth this capsule.
Fill-eth me with your light and splendor
Let it be-eth one with this
Fluoxetine hydrochloride.
And lift your arms to the Gods,
repeat-eth times three.
Be sure to end with: so mote it be!
That completes-eth the incantation
But there may still be demons present,
Aside from the ones already in your head.
And they bring-eth
Headaches, insomnia, dizziness, dry mouth, upset stomach, pain, impotence, skin rash, and
In some cases:
Death.
So be sure to burn sage.
This tells the demons to get-eth the fuck out-eth.
But demons cast out have a funny way
Of creeping back in to feast on serotonin.
So you must cast your spell daily.
For happiness can only be-eth achieved
With magic.
