i shifted away from the screen to look up at him. his fingers continued to pulled through my thick locks. staring up at this boy while my head laid in his lap made my heart swell. but it also made me so... upset... to think he'll never feel the same way..
"hey shawn?" i whispered, gazing into his hazel eyes.
"yes, love?" he grinned back at me, awakening a zoo in my stomach and a thunderstorm in my chest. love. he's been calling me that since we were kids. god, i never thought that the cliche of falling in love with your best friend could actually happen.
"uh." i paused rethinking my decision to ask him this. i slowly got up and sat criss-cross next to him on my old couch. i kept my head down and breathed out, "what if no one ever falls in love with me?"
"what?" he responded. i grabbed the remote to stop whatever was on the TV. silence filled the room so i repeated myself.
"what if no one ever falls in love with me?"
"what are you talking about, y/n?"
"i mean, i am constantly reading these books about falling in love and how amazing it is, but what if no one falls in love with me? what do i do then?" i groaned in frustration. "i just hate the fact that there is a possibility that no one will ever love me the way i love them." i chose this moment to look at shawn. "that i might end up alone, because how could anyone fall in love with me?" i laughed wearily and looked back at the idle television. there was a quiet lull that went through the room before he decided to respond.
"how could they not?" he chuckled. now it was my turn to question him.
"huh?" i barely choked out. i touched my collarbone, a nervous habit that i had developed. i snapped my eyes shut and opened them once again towards him.
"y/n, how could anybody not fall in love with you? you're so beautiful and- and kind and talented," he stuttered. "you brighten up the room every time you walk in and every color seems more vibrant when you're around. you are so incredibly hardworking and smart, yet you don't give yourself enough credit for trying to be as good as you can. you don't think it breaks my heart every time you call me because your parents yelled at you again? i hear your sniffles and little voice cracks and my heart drops into my stomach because you deserve the world."
'he couldn't actually feel this way, could he?' he continues.
"you see things like no one else does, and i don't mean that just because, well, let's face it- you're basically blind. i mean, that you acknowledge the bad, but you always -always- find the good." tears began to well up in my eyes, dirtying my glasses. "i find it so funny, yet so adorable when you try to push up your glasses, but you're wearing contacts and your nose scrunches up 'cuz you feel dumb. oh, and it's the cutest thing when little pieces of hair fall out and frame your face despite you tying it up, so you tuck it behind your ear. i love how you bite the right side of your lip when you're focused and how you tap your left collarboone when your anxiety acts up or when you're nervous." he gestures towards my hand.
"i love spending time with you at two in the morning even though you claim that you look like a mess, but you never fail to take my breath away. i just wish you knew how much you mean to me because i am so utterly in love with you." he sighs heavily and meets my gaze. i swiped my cheeks to rid them of their tears. i was speechless. his mouth opened to speak again but i lunged into his arms.
"you're an idiot, shawn," i said while laughing. and crying. i buried my head in his chest. "you know that?"
"i do."
