Wings

Mama

Rewind a decade...

10 years ago, ...

Year: 2006

My younger self sometimes regrets my attitude back then. I was crazy about dance. My mom's belt was tightened by me, despite my father's opposition to my dream. Every time I attacked, I paid no concern to any consequences. My mom made the small boat of my dreams float, but back then I didn't know of my mom's support. Which also didn't know was not an open shortcut road to my dreams, but a road of dreams that had us gripping tightly to a debt. I always wanted it to go away because in the end, that economic problem would make my mother work away from home. I remember once through the phone, I could hear her voice so clearly and what I remember was that my mom's strength was a breaking point for me. I was so determined to succeed, and with that promise alone I became the adult I am now.

Always reminding her that she can lean on me, that I'll always be by her side because she gave selflessly to me, she was my support and now she can believe in me. You can finally smile now mom. I always apologized to her, 'I'm sorry mom; I'm so sorry.' I now know a grace like heaven because of you, but I never forgot to also thank you. 'Thanks mom, thank you very much mama.' You became my blood and flesh mama, when I was already your blood and flesh. I remember the PC room and restaurant, you were a professional, an expert or better said, a veteran when it came to someone who ran on both feet for her own family. I learned from that passion and sincerity, that failure is the mother of success mom. Softly I would tell myself, 'I wanna be; I wanna be.' Now that I'm all grown up, thanks to you being the fertilizer to this sprout because I will become a flower and your own flower path in which you walk your way. You, mom had me feel the world, the breath you've created.

Today more than usual, I wanted to be held in your arms. I ask myself, 'what is higher than anything above the ground?' or 'what is wider than anything beneath the blue sky?' I never got an answer but I knew that the only one who knew was my mother. My mother whose hand is the medicine's hand as far as I know. Forever my placebo, her hand I mean. I would whisper a chant that only I could listen to, 'I love my mom, I love her so much...' In the end, I always reminded her 'til now that she could lean on me, that I'd always be by her side because she gave selflessly to me and is my support and I would also remind her that she could believe in her child and smile.