A Guide to Being Super

Rule #12

Rule #12: Create and maintain a secret lair to keep all your cool gadgets and stuff in. Batman may not have had powers but he had a fucking awesome lair. So follow Batman's lead and get yourself your very own Batcave.

The next day was Saturday, which should have meant that I had the day to relax and stuff. But did that happen? Of course not. Why would I be able to relax one day of the week after training constantly and saving the love of my life from certain death? Silly me. Instead, while I tried to take a nap and ignore my mother, my day was interrupted by my best friend storming into my room like his ass was on fire.

"Uh, hey dude," I said. "What's up?"

"What's up? That's all you have to say to me? WHAT'S UP?"

"Was I supposed to start with hi?"

"Maybe you could start with what fucking happened yesterday."

"What happened yesterday? You didn't even speak to me yesterday, Ike. You just made fun of the superheroes the whole time with Lena."

I couldn't help but bristle at her name. Could we please take a second to reflect on the fact that Lena fucking Lester was my nemesis? The weird was a real place.

"Let me narrow this down for you," he said, crossing his arms over in his chest in a way that actually was sort of terrifying.

Wait, was Ike about to reveal that he was a supervillain like Lena? Was that even possible? I sure hoped it wasn't because I wasn't up to a) fighting my best friend, b) fighting my best friend in my underwear, or c) dying in my underwear.

"Okay..."

"So I was walking home yesterday, about the same time you were walking with Faye."

"All right."

"And I saw you two on my way."

"That makes sense," I said. "You do live next door to her."

"And I was all ready to ignore the shit out of you guys because I was pissed at you and you guys are gross together anyway."

I shrugged. "That's fair." I still wasn't seeing the point of all this.

"But as I rounded the corner something caught my attention. Faye was walking to her house and she was kidnapped by these guys in a black van."

Suddenly I saw the point of this story but didn't want to give anything away. "What! Is she okay?"

"Don't play dumb with me. You know what happened next."

"I really don't. Is she all right?"

"Naturally, seeing your little crush get kidnapped was very shocking for both of us," Ike said. "However, that wasn't the most shocking thing I saw that day. After Faye was thrown into the van you started running after it, which was to be expected. But what I didn't expect was for you to suddenly start FLYING and going after the van."

"Dude, you're saying you saw me FLY? You've flipped, that never happened."

"Oh really? Fine, I'll play. Let's say that I had a stroke or something and thought I saw you fly that time. But I watched out my window all that afternoon hoping to see some sign of Faye. Finally, after hours of waiting, I saw her come back with you. You flew her right back to her front door."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Nuh huh."

"Uh huh."

"What do you want me to say, Ike?" I asked. "That didn't happen, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Seriously, Matt? You're seriously not going to admit it?"