I'm surrounded by so many people, by my friends and by joy. I feel better. Better than I have felt in a long time. Better than I should feel. It's been days since my problem disappeared, and that's what made me okay. I have been able to keep my head up, breathe, talk to people and forget. Forget everything that happened in the past year and a bit. It doesn't matter how it started, it doesn't matter how it ended—he doesn't matter at all.
I never realised why I wasn't okay. I knew why in the back of my mind but never believed it; never wanted to. But it was true. The past months that were Hell, I wasn't as faithful as I thought I was. I had been looking elsewhere when I had someone in front of me, but was never someone to them. I never realised it until now, but I wasn't trying to get over him, I was trying to get over lonlieness. Abandonment. I truly hate feeling alone. I had never felt like I was really part of anything, so I craved the feeling of being more than something to someone.
But I never was.
Nor can I be, I realise as I am carried around a pool, seemingly weightless by someone who doesn't realise the scars showing were caused by thoughts his special someone branded into my mind reminding me once again that I can't be that special someone to anyone. And there is no point now, anyway. The one I thought I had is gone; the one I wish I have is taken and will soon disappear; and I, myself, have already left this hollow shell.
YOU ARE READING
A Collection Of Short Stories
De TodoA bunch of short stories that I have written over time, many different genres as well so please enjoy! (Cover photo is Haise Sasaki from Tokyo Ghoul: re. Go read it. It's good. Very good.)
