Heart-Shaped Wreckage

Chapter 3

Chapter 3----

I walk in the front door, hoping Kenna wouldn't see me. I walk into Ryder's room and just sit there watching him sleep. I know why I'm doing this, it's for him. No matter how hard this year was doing this alone. He's an exact copy of Parker, and I think that's what makes it worse for me, seeing him in my baby everyday. I take a deep breath and turn to see Kenna in the door way. "What happened?" She asked. "Nothing." I lie, turning to face Ryder again. "Emelyn, you're crying..." She says walking over to me. I hadn't noticed that I started crying again, I angrily wipe the tears from my face. "Why does he still have this effect one me?" I whisper to her, as she pulls me into her arms. "love has that effect on us." I just nod, trying to catch my breath and stop the tears.

The next morning I wake up slowly rolling over finding Kenna still asleep next to me. I half smile remembering last night, she refused to leave my side as I cried myself to sleep. She really was my best friend. I quietly slip out of bed going to Ryder's room. I watch him sleep for a couple minutes, reaching over to the table I find my phone where I abandoned it the night before. I turn it on and I'm instantly greeted with five missed calls from Parker and a couple of frantic texts. I decide to let him sweat it out a little while longer as I head toward the shower. I let the hot water run over my shoulders as I think about last night, running away from him like that, crying to Kenna. I was honestly so confused. I didn't know what to think anymore, let alone how I felt. Did I still have feelings for Parker? Should I tell him about his son? I sunk down to the floor continuing to think about everything until the water ran cold. I got out wrapping a towel around me, I grabbed my phone, two more missed calls and three more texts. I sigh, deciding to finally call him. He answers on the third ring, "Emelyn, where have you been? I've been worried about you!" He sounds panicked, I almost give into him right then, I have to take a deep breath to steady myself. "I'm fine." I say, blatantly not wanting to give him too much. He starts asking questions that I don't really hear. "Is that all you wanted?" I realize I sound a little snarky. I don't mean to be, but that's just how he's making me feel. I hear him sigh, "I just want to talk to you, is that okay?" He is being stubborn now. "No Parker, it's not okay, it hasn't been okay for a while." I almost whisper the last part, as I stare down at the floor. "Look, I don't know what I did.." I cut him off. "You don't know what you did?! You left me, Parker, for a year! How do you think that made me feel?!" I'm yelling now, not caring that Kenna is watching me from the door way. "A lot happened this year, and you've missed all of it!" Tears start to fill my eyes again Kenna crosses the room taking my phone and hanging it up. She looks up at me, I shake my head, staring at the floor willing my tears away. Kenna just takes me into her arms. " It's going to be okay. You can get through this." I hear her whisper against my hair as she hugs me. I don't know what to do anymore. A part of me wants to trust him, but another part of me knows I won't survive if he breaks my heart again. I can't risk that now, especially for Ryder's sake. The last time nearly killed me... I think back to that day, shortly after we first met. Our senior year of college. We're laying in his bed room, in his apartment, I roll over so that I can lay my head on his chest. "You know I could get used to waking up next to you. " I say smiling as I absent mindedly draw shapes on his bare chest, he makes a small noise of recognition closing his eyes. I prop myself up so that I'm looking at him. "What do you see for us?" His eyes open and he's looking at me. "Let's just focus on right now." He says in a tone, making me believe that he doesn't see a future for us at all. I get out of bed, grabbing my clothes. " I have to go. " I run out of the door before he can answer. I remember staying in my room for days. I gave him all of me and he couldn't even picture being with me. Now look at me practically back where I started, except this time I had a baby to think about, our baby. I try ignoring him for the next couple of days, but of course the texts and calls kept coming. God, I wish he'd take a hint, he didn't want me before, why does he want me now. I'm laying in bed with Ryder asleep on my chest. I hear my phone ring again. I grab it quickly so that it doesn't wake the baby, I sigh as the caller ID reads Parker's name again. I answer, the phone, tired of the ringing. "what?" I whisper angrily at him. "Em? Why are you whispering?" He sounds relieved to hear my voice and I can't tell if I'm happy about it or not. "because I don't want to wake the baby." I answer without thinking, and as soon as the words leave my mouth I regret it. "Baby?" He asks not sure if he really knows what to say. "Umm.." I take a deep breath thinking quickly. "Kenna's son." I lie, I know I'll have to explain this to Kenna later.