After Arlington

Chapter 5: Maddy

Maddy could never really tell the difference between sleeping or waking anymore. She'd spent the last four days in her bed, only ever getting up to use the bathroom. Her mom thought it was a stomach flu. Though she was aware of the emotional trauma Maddy had been through, neither of them liked to bring up her pregnancy. So she just went with it.

The light filtering through the cracks in the curtains was the only way she kept track of time. Sometimes it would be blaring over the sheets, streaking lines of light over her face, and other times it would be dark. Quiet. Sometimes she'd open the window and breathe in the midnight air, wishing it would take her to the girl her heart so dangerously craved.

She wanted Francis to leave her alone. But, a part of her also wanted him to know what he'd done to her, for him to mourn her loss too. Maybe if she'd never slept with him – maybe if his family had never suppressed her – she would be someone else.

She'd always wanted to travel, maybe even make a living out of it. Armed with a blog and a camera she'd conquer the world. It was a dream she couldn't afford to humor anymore. Not now.

A soft knock sounded on the door, and Maddy gave a muted welcome, expecting her mother. But, it was Maria, carrying a mug of coffee and a muffin.

"Morning," she said, setting them on Maddy's bedside table. "I'm leaving tomorrow. I wanted to spend time with everyone before I left."

"You're only going for a week," Maddy pointed out, sitting up and making room for her sister beside her.

Maria gave a small smile. "I know, but still. You'll be gone by the time I'm back."

They fell into silence, and Maddy picked up the mug and cupped it in her hands. She was starving.

"It's her, isn't it?"

Maddy's heart twisted painfully at her sister's words, falling through her ribcage and into a blazing fire. Her. Her daughter. She felt guilty even calling her that, she wasn't even worth the title of a mother. It was the girl whose name she refused to know in a selfish bid to stop the pain.

"Yes."

Maria leant her head on her sister's shoulder. Today, there was apparently no fight in her. Only concern. "Do you think you'll ever be over this?"

Tears welled in Maddy's eyes. She had cried so many times since returning, she wasn't sure she had much left. "No. I don't."

It had initially been Maddy's decision to give her baby up for adoption – to a rich couple with a world of opportunities. After all, what would they have with her? A reckless party girl with a drug problem for a mother and a twisted boy with a knack for abuse and manipulation as a father – a monster with more power than feelings.

But, towards the later months, she started to change her mind.

A child does something to you. Maddy thought she was so good at detaching herself that she could survive it. But, she changed that. She changed everything. She wanted – no, needed – that baby girl in her arms.

Only, that wasn't what the Greene's wanted. They threatened her, threatened her family with money. They held Yale over her head like a bargaining chip.

After all, they couldn't ruin Francis' future with a teenage pregnancy. Even if she could be a better person, he could never be.

"Have you ever considered telling him?" Maria asked softly. "Maybe if he knew too, if all of the weight was taken from your shoulders, it could help."

"I'm not allowed to, Maria."

"Why? Because they'll take away Yale and your fancy apartment? Sounds like you'd be happier without it anyway."