Truce

You-

You-
Honestly? Sometimes in the morning's I wake up to text you and remember your gone. I wore the shirt I wore when we watched that movie yesterday. It doesn't smell like you anymore. Maybe that's a good thing.
I still look back at the times we had and smile. The truth is I never hated you and I doubt I will ever be able to. That's why I never said I hated you. I couldn't lie. I wonder if you hate me. Sometimes when your hurt you take your feelings out on other people, I suppose you did that to me.
We never got to dance. I dreamed about it so many nights. I always thought we would have a dance. You would spin me around and I would be in love. I'm going to dance tonight and it won't be anything like that dream but maybe that's for the best.
Did you ever forgive yourself for cheating on me? I remember when you told me, we had already broken up a day ago but we were still screaming at each other. I don't know why I was tired but I let everything go. You kept screaming but not to me. I think you needed to yell so I covered my ears and let you. You seemed so tall and strong, it was like watching a sky scraper crash when you asked if I have anything else to say and I said I forgave you.
It got cold after you left. Maybe we broke up just before the first cold front or maybe our love kept the city warm. Either way it's supposed to snow today. Though right now it's just raining so I doubt it'll stick. Maybe that's a little metaphor for the fact I still love you even if it's not the same love anymore. Whatever it is, I wish it was snowing.
I've been listening to the same song for two hours now, it's got guitar in it. Do you still play the guitar? You always said you wanted to teach me but if I ever played I would be a self-taught artist. Maybe that says a lot about me. Maybe the day we broke up says a lot about me too because i begged you to come over and teach me how to play. That day I was willing to change myself for you.
You never come over anymore. I think about you when I lay in bed sometimes, the moments we shared. Sometimes those memories make me smile, other times they disgust me. I feel like i'm haunted by you.
You ruined my life a little bit, you know? Everyone looks at me differently because you cheated on me. They all want to 'help me' because of you but all I want is to forget about it. I wish everyone would treat me like a normal person, not a crippled one. I'm not crippled.
I finally kissed him. That boy you've been seeing me around school with. I was scared you two would kiss the same but your nothing alike. I let you go with that kiss, I didn't think you would come back. In a way, you didn't I suppose.
I still write. You never cared but just incase you were wondering, I do. I write about you a lot. I wrote my first love story a few weeks ago. It wasn't about you.
The rain stopped outside, but inside it's still drizzling. I hope it stops soon.
Our anniversary passed recently. I just realized today. Did you think about me? Either way I wanted to say I'm doing okay. And I hope you are too. I hope I didn't ramble but then again, I hope I did. So just for a moment you remember what it was like when I told you stories. Maybe for a moment you remember what it was like to love me. I love you, but I'm gone.
-Me.