Space~

Depression

I'm sick of the same old question,
along the lines of "how are you" or "are you okay"
I mean I know it's common courtesy and it's a sign of a kind gesture.
I don't hate the question as much as I hate my answer,
an "I'm doing good!" and a hollow and empty smile that I've seemed to master over the course of my constant sadness.

Now I know, I'm aware I'm just like anybody else,
I have my good days and times when I'm genuinely content with everything
but as a whole I'm really not.
I can be as happy as anything when I'm around people that I love but when I seem to get alone my mood drops and I feel once again empty.

Why can't the ice breaker change to "hope you have a good day!" so my simple "thanks you too!" would come in handy.
So I don't have to completely lie about what's going on in my head.
So no more lying about aching over a lost lover
or trying not to give in to an addiction
or even pretending my legs aren't shaking from the hunger I put upon myself.

I sincerely apologise to all that's relatively close to me because I'm a genuine mess of a human and seem to fail at keeping any kind of relationships due to the doubt in the back of my mind that no one really likes me or cares ever so slightly.

I think these are really the ins and outs of depression,
no one knows how you obtained it,
it just clings onto you like a lost puppy that you simply can't get rid of.

-E