The Ten Illusions of Life

6. the illusion of infatuation

This might be the only part that's not about me and my struggles, but it's

definitely scarred me for life, so it deserves a place here.

This thing went down just before graduation in High School. I was slowly

moving on from my past, but it still haunts me. The hollowness and the

emptiness of it is quite heavy, but with Liv by my side, it was fairly easy. But,

what happens when your anchor needs anchoring themselves?

You see, Liv has liked Nicholas Gramier since preschool, and they have

this 'we're-friends-but-secretly-more-even-though-everyone-knows-about-it'

thing going on since last year, and yet, they're still not official. But, maybe it has

something to do with Nick, who is also a part of our little group, not being able

to grow some balls to ask Liv to be his girlfriend already.

Or, so we thought.

It turns out, it was a scenario no one was expecting. Because, just a month

before the graduation, Nick approached Liv so they can talk in private. And,

Liv got a bad feeling so she signaled me that I should have her back and

eavesdrop in their conversation -before you ask, yes, we do have signs for that.

So, when they went to the hall to talk, I sneaked by the lockers, so I was out of

Nick's view, but I could be seen by Liv. I gave her a thumbs up, silently saying

that it would be okay. But, oh boy, how I was wrong.

"Look, Olivia..." The fact that he used her real name, already made me gulp.

"This thing... between us. Whatever this is, it has to stop." Liv couldn't speak, and

even my silent coaxing couldn't get her to speak. She held this emotionless

face, but I knew her. She was barely holding it together. "I just... can't

anymore. I don't... think I like you." He shouldn't have said that, because the next

thing I heard was not a word; but the sound of a hand slapping a face. Hard.

"You... you 'don't' think you like me? After all this time, you weren't sure of

everything?" I got to admit. My best friend looked menacing when she said this.

Nick tried to explain but only shit came out of his mouth, so I ignored it and

signaled Liv to walk away. And, so she did. I met up with her in the girl's bathroom

where we hugged as she cried.

Which leads to my conclusion, which got further evidence to be true because

after a week, we found out that Nick actually liked Chrissy, and not my

awesome best friend (his loss, really.), that sometimes the illusion can not

only make it look real, but feel real. The illusion of infatuation lies in the person,

and how they wield it without knowing. Like Nick's situation with Liv. He couldn't

get Chrissy, but he caught Liv. So, the feelings were redirected. Doesn't

make them any more real though.

So, the true illusion is within the fact if what you're feeling is real.

Because sometimes, it can end up you're just infatuated with the idea, not

the person.