Take A Breath (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 1

Chapter [1]

As selfish and rude I will sound right now, it doesn't mean it isn't true. My worst part of the day is when my mother visits me, it's always the worst part. It's not like I don't want her to come and see me, but every time she does, she has to do something to upset me or make me feel guilty. She always cry or blame herself for no reason and sometimes she just tell me stories of my childhood, when I was healthy. Sometimes I really think she's talking to herself because she was only mumbling to herself. But that was the last thing I needed, I don't want to be reminded of the times when I was healthy, when I was alive. 

Mom and dad and my sisters came in the morning to see me. I had a great time with them and Safaa, my youngest sister, asked when I was coming back home. I didn't reply straight away, I kept thinking of something to make her at least feel a bit better. I told her that I'm not sure when, but soon. Then I told her what we'll be doing when I come back and that cheered her a lot. 

Dad and I talked about normal stuff. Like what's happening with the family or about what happened to his car. My dad is obviously the strongest between us when it came to my health but I caught him crying a lot of times. But when he do, he immediately gets out of the room, he doesn't want to worry anyone. Not like my mom, who sobs in front of me and hold my hands tightly, saying that I will be okay and alright.

My mum just exited the room, crying her eyes out for no reason. Except for the fact that I have cancer. I already got over that, not entirely but I don't cry over it anymore. I sighed as I looked at my sister's worried expressions. 

"I'm gonna talk to her." I sighed, getting out of the bed. I gave my father a look and walked away, following my mom out of the white room. I heard some footsteps behind me and I turned my head to see that my father is walking with my sister to the waiting room, which I'm glad he understood the look I gave him. I walked further down the hallway and searched for my mum but didn't find her. Finally, I heard some quite sobs coming from the female's toilets and I sighed, knocking gently on the door. 

"Mum, can you please get out?" I called out softly, pressing my forehead on the door. I heard some shuffling from the opposite side but then it stopped and for a few seconds, nothing happened. I sighed once again, she's being very difficult. "Mum please, there's no need to cry." I tried again and then I heard the click of the door unlocking and the door opened, revealing my mum's red face. "Come here." I whispered, opening my arms wide for her. 

She throw her arms around me and sobbed in shoulder, her body shaking with every sob. I rubbed her back comfortably, yet awkwardly. 

"I'm okay mum, everything is going to be okay. You've always been telling me this, I believed it, you should believe it too mum. Please, you're hurting me right now, stop crying." I soothed and it seemed to work because her sobs stopped and she pulled away from me, cleaning her face with the napkin she's holding. 

"I'm sorry baby, but you should understand that a mother's most sensitive subject is her son." She gave me a week smile, which I returned. 

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"I just can't a have a normal conversation with her without her bringing up my health. It's quite frustrating actually." I complained, rubbing my eyes then looking at her helplessly. She chuckled as she placed a hand on my shoulder. 

"Women are not like men Zayn. They're so fragile and vulnerable and sensitive and you being her only son is what made her like that. You should take a moment and understand her point of view." Ellie said, smiling reassuringly at me. I nodded my head, trying to understand my mom's point of view. So I'm my parent's only son and I don't think my mom is capable of giving birth of another child, she thinks that I might die, which I might, and she's feeling a lot of emotions right now that she might lose me forever. But I still don't understand why she can't be like my father or my sisters, at least Doniya. Waliyha is just like my mom, crying her eyes out. Safaa still doesn't know what the hell is going on in this earth.