Take A Breath (Zayn Malik)

- Prologue

- Prologue 

None of them expected it, even I thought it was unexpected. My family cried for weeks, my friends tried to mentally and emotionally support me with all of their power but I know they're still shocked. The fans never stopped sending me tweets, gifts, cards and some of them even sent me flowers but the flowers stopped showing up in the white room because the doctors thought it was too risky since I have a lung cancer. 

Yes, I do have a lung cancer. And not any type of lung cancer that would disappear eventually. It's called lung carcinoid tumors, the fun part? It's a rare lung cancer and the treatment is still unknown. The media told the world about my health and till now, the news never stopped talking about it. The TV, magazines even the radio never stopped talking about it. Even when Kim Kardashian had her third baby, which they found out it's not Kayne's. 

Remembering the time they told me about the tumor, the memory always brought tears to my eyes. Not because I might die, but because I'm not the only person who's suffering. Remembering my family's reaction when I told them, remembering my friend's shocked and terrified stare and the world's messages. That what brought tears to my eyes and I hate seeing them like that when I'm the one who's probably going to die.

The doctors are working for something, trying to find out how to cure this deadly disease. A part of me wishes that they'll find something but the other part knows that they can't. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm just guessing. And I hope the second part isn't real.

They tried everything with me but didn't go too far like doing surgeries. They did x-rays and stuff like that and other things I don't know about since they had to make me unconscious. Some of the doctors said it's because I used to smoke, other doctors didn't agree with their theory. The first few weeks I was curious and lost but now, I don't really care. Doctors sometimes circle me while I'm laying on the bed and talk professionally, saying words that only them could understand and I would just stare at them with an emotionless face. 

I got over that, not entirely but I did get over the fact that I have lung cancer that has no treatment. I think when time passes you become numb or just don't care anymore. But my family and friends didn't, and the media apparently didn't get over that which made me kind of mad because I don't want them to cry. I don't want them to feel guilty. I don't want them to always talk about me. I know they do it because they love me or at least care about me but this is my health and my lung. I'm the one who's going to die, not them. I know it's selfish to say this but they're hurting me. Seeing them cry hurt me and seeing that they're really effected by the fact that I have a lung cancer hurt too. 

But the thing is, they don't know that there's no treatment. And I want it to be like that. I don't want them to worry more than they already are. 

What is positive about this cancer and I can't even call it positive, so the good thing about this kind of cancer is that it tends to grow slower than any other type of lung cancer. That means if I'm going to die, I'll die later. The word die used to terrify me, but not anymore. All of us are going to die one way or another, whether they wanted or not. But some of us will die peacefully and I wish I could die peacefully. Not because a cancer destroyed my lung. 

I sighed, the doctors just left. I don't know what's the point of circling me and making me uncomfortable while they could just talk somewhere else. But no, they needed to point at me. They talked and pointed at me like I was some kind of a broken object that needed to be fixed. And I hated that. But I obviously can't do something about it if I want to live. 

I'm laying on the bed, the sheets are warm and the pillow is comfortable. There's few wires connected to my body but it can be easily removed and it wont effect me. I'm staring at the ceiling, sighing from time to time because I'm starting to feel bored. I sat up and took the remote control, turning on the TV. 

"Are you still shocked? I'm still shocked Lisa. Do you think he's going to make it? I mean, it's been two months now and-" I quickly changed the channel, not wanting to hear anything about me. It's actually been two months, and I still have my hair. Dr. Louise, my main doctor, said that my hair probably wont fall since they wont use chemical medication. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be relived or scared because I know for a fact that if you're suffering any type of cancer, chemical medication is important.

"Lots and lots of fans. They even made a video, let's watch it." The remote control was snatched from my hands and the TV turned black. I turned my head and smiled widely and warmly, even though I was supposed to be mad at her for being rude. She walked to the door and close it before turning around and giving me an adorable smile. Her hair was up into a high ponytail and she was wearing a white coat. She's wearing a small amount of makeup and she looked naturally beautiful.

Ellie is her name and lately she has been my favorite person. She's my nurse but I've never saw her as a nurse. She's my friend, my funny and beautiful friend. She has never talked to me about my lung and we always have normal conversations. Something I rarely got these past few weeks. She's very confident and she's not afraid to say what's in her mind. And that's what I like about her. I may or may not have the smallest crush towards her and I know I can't feel like this because if we ever got a chance to be together, I don't want more people to get hurt because of me.

Ellie walked towards me with a tired smile, her eyes are looking at me lazily. She's obviously tired. She pulled the elastic down and let her long, brown straight hair fall past her shoulder. She took off the coat and threw it on the couch before dropping herself on the chair beside the bed. 

"God, I'm exhausted." She sighed, pressing her head on the white sheets. I chuckled, running my hand through her soft hair. She let out another sigh, but this one is from relaxation. "By the way, if I ever caught you watching TV again, you wouldn't want to know what I would do to you." She said when she leaned back, glaring at me as she pointed a finger at me. I took her finger and squeezed it in my hand, she let out a yelp. 

"What did you say?" I laughed when I let go of her finger. She didn't answer as she kept glaring at me, which made me laugh even harder.

"You know, you have a funny laugh." She commented and I raised an eyebrow. "But it's cute though." She added with a smile. You see? She's not afraid to say what's in her mind. 

"I can't exactly say your laugh is cute." I smirked and her eyes widened as she stood up. 

"Hey!" She yelled, hitting my head playfully before she sat back down. "But you told me once that you liked my laugh." She pouted and I nodded, I remember saying that once when I told her my lame jokes and she couldn't stop laughing. 

"You do, I was just messing with you." I smiled as I leaned in and ruffled her hair, which made her chuckle and we both started a new conversation. These moments are the ones that always made my day, other than seeing my family and friends of course. I love spending time with her, I love her company and I love when she's bored or tired, she comes here to my room to relax. We would spend hours together and never stop talking and laughing.

She was there with me all the time. She was with me in my first weeks in the hospital, she was with me whenever I broke down crying. She held me and comfort me. She was also with me when I first decided that it was fate decision that I'm having a lung cancer, and she supported me with my decisions. She was the one who brought the gifts from the fans to the room, she was the one who unwrapped them with me. She was there with me when the doctors were updating me about my lung. She's only a nurse but she's so much more to me.

I'm not sure having a tumor is an only bump in the road of my life because suffering a rare type of cancer is something big, but I've never thought that there's going to be a good side of it. Like meeting Ellie, she's the only bright side of this whole drama. 

As we started unwrapping the gifts, I stared at Ellie in awe. I can't stop saying how much of a beautiful person she is, inside and out. The way she smiled lovingly at the gifts and whenever she liked a gift, she'd look at me with sparkling eyes and a wide smile. I looked up at the ceiling, praying for something in this moment. 

God. Please, if you hear me, cure me from this disease and if you wont, then please don't let Ellie get too close to me, I don't want another person hurting because of me. I know it's going to hurt me at first, pushing her away, but that's for her sake. I can't bare the thought of her hurting. So please, don't let us get too attached to each other. 

_ _ _ _ _ 

Hello everyone. This is a story for livinginstyles' competition. I hope you liked the prologue.