Delia Smith Phancakes

Chapter 3

{A/N,
Thankyou guys for 12 reads, it means so so much to me to know that people are reading my story c: Also, I have nothing against ; Gays, or anythjng, its just in the story, but I'm not like that :3, Anyways here's chapter 3 ~~{°○°}~~}

Dan's POV

What have I just done?! Why did I snap at my Phil? Wait... My Phil? Why did I call him that, he would never be mine, especially at what I had just done. I hate the way I do that, I build my anger up until I just snap at someone innocent... Someone I love.

I need some air, I feel like I can't breathe. I need to just think, but at the same time I want to go back to Phil and apologise,  what if he thinks it's all his fault?! I need to stop asking myself all these questions, what's done is done, and right now I just need to think.

I started walking down the lift, Phil doesn't like lifts maybe we should take the stairs.

"Hey Phil do you-"

Oh, that's right he's not here. It feels wrong without him coming with me, I mostly always go outside with him, it feels so wrong. I need to stop thinking about Phil, I'll say sorry later.

I press the button and wait for the lift, it doesn't come. These lifts never work, I don't know why I bother anymore, I twist around and head towards the door by the stairs.

Thoughts of Phil suddenly rush through my head, happy memories, sad memories, they flicker on and off in my mind and I start to have trouble breathing. My chest goes tight and my legs start to lock up and I can't move them. Why am I having a panic attack?!

I haven't had a panic attack in 3 years, they stopped after I met Phil. I need to get my pills, but they're back in the flat. How am I meant to get there, I can't bloody move. Should I call out? Nobody would probably hear, everyone's at work and Phil probably won't care.

This is pathetic Dan, just move one leg and another, you've done this before. I straighten my back and grab my leg pulling it forward and balancing heavily on the other. I make my way back down to the flat in extreme pain.

I take a deep breath and walk to the door, gasping in pain as my leg hits the wooden doorframe, I swing the door open and burst through, biting my lip to stop me from screaming. My breathing gets shallower and I realise that the pain is subsiding, but I stumble towards my room to get my pills anyway.

As I pass I see a glimpse of Phil sat on the edge of the bed crying, my eyes open wide, and I turn into his room.

"Phil! Im so sorry" I start to break down, but hold my tears back, biting the inside if my cheek, "Phil, I-"

I gasped as I saw his arms, he looked up innocently at me, when his eyes suddenly filled with guilt. I stared deep into he Crystal blue eyes, before turning around and heading to the door. I couldn't let him see me break down, I needed to be strong.

I ran out his room and reached mine, throwing myself of my bed and curing tightly up into a ball, as the tears ran down my face, I knew this was all my fault.

"ITS ALL MY FAULT" I screamed at myself inside.

"I hate myself" I repeated to myself again and again.

I hated myself, I did this to him. I made him this way. I'm sick, sick in the head.

I'm so sorry Phil.

Phil's POV

I sat on the edge of the pain, breathing shallowly as I made another deep cut, I wiped the blade on the old towel I was sat on. That's enough for today I whispered to myself as a tear dripped off my chin and onto my leg. I smiled as the pain slowly faded away and the numbness kicked in.

"Phil!"

My eyes flew open and I tried to grab my towel to hide, but it was no use, he'd obviously seen it. Tears welled up but I could see him trying to hold them back. His eyes stared deep into mine, and I blinked uncomfortably trying to look away but somehow I couldn't manage to stop looking into his chocolate eyes.

I could feel him judging me, I could literally see him calling me 'Emo scum', 'Disgusting freak who cuts' and 'Weird, depressed cutter'.

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I thought this. No, Dan wouldn't think that, he's my bestfriend! Get a hold of yourself Phil. I lifted my face up only to see him run out my room.

He hated me! He doesn't love me at all, he ran away from me when I needed him most. He doesn't even like me as a friend if he did, he would have helped me.

I hear him run into his own room and sit on his bed. I should have said something. He wouldn't judge me, from what I  could see his blotchy red eyes proved to me he'd been crying....About me? Maybe not, maybe. It hurt to keep that little bit of hope, but I smiled all the same.

Of course Dan wouldn't judge me. I decided to start cleaning myself up, I stood up heavily and pulled the towel up with me. My eyes widened as I saw the blood had seeped through. Had I really lost that much blood?!

I gulped, feeling guilty and chucked the towel, over towards my bin, and walked to the bathroom.I turned on the tap. The ice water stung at my vicious cuts, but stopped the bleeding all the same. I took some tissue and patted my arm dry.

I could hear Dan crying. The guilt clouded over my eyes. I loved Dan so much, and I'd made him cry, what sort if mentally stable person would do that? Well I'm not mentally stable so I guess that makes sense.

His cries got worse as I heard him try to muffle his sobs into his pillow.

My feet took over my body and started running to Dan's bedroom.

"It's all my fault, I did this" No Dan...

"I hate myself" I heard him whisper over and over. I knocked, no answer.

"Dan.. Please let me talk to you" I said as my voice cracked at the end.

"Please, can you just give me some time" A sad cry came from the room

I nodded to myself and started to walk away.

Don't be sorry Dan