It's Difficult || Larry & Ziam - Book Two

six

"You're acting weird."

"I'm not," Louis responded stubbornly. He mentally cursed at himself. It was hard enough hiding his emotions from Harry, but Liam and Zayn could always see right through him. Fuck.

"You are. You may as well tell us before we find out on our own."

"It's nothing, guys. Seriously." Louis said the words like he didn't want to be pressed anymore, and fortunately, the two took the hint after that. The couple engaged in their own chatter, while Louis ate his lunch moodily and freaked out on the inside.

Harry didn't deserve this, he thought. Harry deserved so much better, and everyone knew it. Louis knew it wasn't his fault, since he pushed Niall away as soon as he possibly could, but it was his fault that he hadn't told Harry.

But part of him knew that this would only mess up not only Harry's friendship with Niall, but also Louis and Harry's relationship. Louis deserved the pain and regret and guilt of holding the secret on his own. Louis loved Harry, and that meant protecting him from things that could hurt him, even if it meant Louis got hurt in the process.

The topic was all Louis had thought about for the past several days. It kept him up at night, kept his kisses with Harry brief, kept his conversations with Niall short and meaningless. All Louis ever felt was guilt.

/ / / \ \ \

"Louis."

Louis turned around to see who had said his name before turning right back to face where he was walking. "No. Absolutely not."

"Please. Just listen to me," Niall begged.

"I told you not to talk about it again. I'm tired of it."

"I didn't mean anything—"

Louis whipped around and faced Niall. "You didn't mean anything? Really? Why don't I believe that? You've made me lie to Harry, and you've made everyone question why the hell I've been acting so differently. I'm not a horrible person, Niall, but there wasn't any nicer way to handle this situation than how I already did. I never would have been mad at you if you liked me and had just told me, but you didn't. You made me feel like I've cheated on the one person I can count on most in this stupid world, and that's the worst thing you could have done. I'm doing you a favor by not telling Harry. So just don't talk to me again unless you absolutely have to, okay? And don't ever try to explain yourself, because I already know it."

"You don't," Niall said desperately. "I'm sorry, and I was really stupid, and—"

"I need to get to class," Louis muttered, clenching his jaw and walking away from the blond boy.

/ / / \ \ \

"Hey, Niall, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Louis's acting weird?" Harry asked, and he sounded so insecure and unsure.

"What do you mean?" Niall asked nervously and played along with his clueless act.

"I don't know. I mean, he's just acting different than usual. He's not really going too far out of his way to talk to me like usual, and I don't really see him come here quite as much, and I'm just worried about him."

"Maybe he's just really busy," Niall said weakly.

"Yeah, maybe," Harry said, sounding confused and conflicted and sad and, god, Niall didn't have the right to do this to him.

"You could talk to him about it."

"I just wish I wouldn't have to ask him if something was wrong. I thought we were at the point in our relationship where he'd tell me everything without me even having to ask. I guess I was wrong."

Niall felt like the worst person in the world.

/ / / \ \ \

There was a light knock on Louis's dorm door.

"Come in!" He called, flipping the page of his book.

"Hey," Harry said.

"Hi," Louis said, smiling as well as he could with the burden of the knowledge resting in his mind.

"You've got your glasses on," Harry told him, almost awkwardly.

"Yeah. My contacts were bothering me."

Harry stood there, not speaking, his foot moving and his hands clasped behind his back. Eventually he asked, "What's wrong, Lou?"

"Nothing's wrong, babe. I was just reading before you got in here."

"That's not what I mean and you know it. Why have you been acting weird lately? Is it something I did? If it is, I'm sorry—"

"You haven't done anything wrong, H. I would've told you."

Harry sat, defeated and confused, on the foot of Louis's bed. "But you won't tell me this? I won't be mad, Louis — I'm just concerned. You're making me think that I've done something wrong and that you're just slipping away from me."

"Why would you think that?" Louis asked, placing the book on the table and motioning for Harry to move closer to him.

"You don't really seem to want to come over to my room to hang out anymore," Harry explained, and Louis felt like he was the absolute worst boyfriend of all time. He probably was. Anyone else would have told their partner the first available moment. "And you always seem to be having something more important than me to do. Like right now. It's not that late. A week ago, you would be hanging out with Niall and me, but you're sitting here, alone, reading a book instead. I feel like you're trying to avoid me."

"I'm not trying to avoid you," Louis told him truthfully. He was trying to avoid Niall. But his gorgeous, perfect boy was right here, looking at him with sad, wide eyes, wondering why Louis was being so secretive.

"Then why does it feel like you are?"

Louis couldn't answer that. He hesitated before saying, "Harry, I love you. I have no doubt in that fact. But you just have to trust me."

"How can I trust you when you won't even tell me the truth?" Harry asked, flinching back and removing himself from Louis's arms.

Louis didn't say anything to that. He couldn't.

"Whatever," Harry muttered, moving off the bed and sniffling. "I thought I could rely on you to tell me the truth, but I guess not. Don't even bother."

And then he was gone, leaving Louis a pile of emotions he couldn't help from an event he couldn't have caused.