Breaking Them Up (BoyxBoy) (On Hold Forever)

Finding Each Other :::5:::

*Damien’s POV*

　

　

My expression darkens as I reach out, handing Dallas the stuffed animal she’d dropped. I couldn’t help but glimpse her face and see Karen’s. Yesterday… I’d finally found out why Kyle was back. Karen was dead. The words had no emotion, even in the privacy of my mind, and I wondered if that’d piss her off? It’d piss me off if someone felt so… indifferent to Darcy’s death. And yet, I couldn’t conjure up any emotion.

It’s not like we’d been friends right? In fact, we were less friends than I was with most people. Still, there was a connection, a mutual understanding of one another’s character. I should be sad. I’d felt pity for this girl once, I’d hated her once, I’d envied her once…

But all I felt was the desire to feel.

A yawn captures my attention as I look over to see Dallas’s gaping mouth. Her tired fist rubs her eye, and I wonder again why I agreed to this. Babysitting Kyle’s daughter when he couldn’t spare two minutes to talk to me. Maybe it was for Karen…

I knew it wasn’t. But it was a nice thought.

“Ready for…” I find a sad smile caught on my lips. She’d fallen asleep “..bed?”

Careful not to wake her, I lift her, remembering how Abby had asked me yesterday to watch this brat. She said I was the only one Dallas obeyed, though it felt a lot like trickery when I wore the wig. Though it went against any self-respect I had, I found myself showing up for babysitting duty first thing this morning.

“Karen… are you really dead?” Of course she was really dead. But maybe a large part of my problem was I couldn’t fully grasp the concept. Dead. She was about the age Darcy had been when she’d died. Did Karen have a little brother? Parent’s who’d be torn apart? What about Ashton? Weren’t they dating?

How’d she die, I wonder? There’d been no explanation. Just those two words. ‘Karen’s dead’. Dallas fussed in my arms and I hurried my pace to the room her play pen was set up and laid her down to sleep. She squirm, adjusting, then fell still. “Night…”

I was retreating down the hall to the living room when a gentle snore stopped me. It was coming from inside one of the rooms. Someone was here…? The snore resounded and my chest clenched. That was a Kyle snore. How weird that I remember little things like that even when his face began to blur in my memories. A sudden desire gripped me. If I got caught, I was screwed, but…

Was I really going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers?

The room was dim, not dark, but dim. A few shakn streaks of sunlight were crawling in through the crack of window the blinds allowed, but I wasn’t looking at the window. I was veiwing the sleeping body as I tiptoed across the floor and then hesitantly peeked over his hunched shoulder to examine his face.

I wish I could do the cliché thing and tell you he looked vulnerable and childlike. But the day Kyle showed vulnerability even in sleep was a cold day in hell. Instead he looked like Kyle-grumpy. Regardless, I carefully added my weight to the bed and hesitantly put my face close to his. His breath tickeld my nose.

“Kyle…” my voice croaked, the way voices did when the sensed the oncoming rush of tears.

He sighed, and moved a little in his dreams. “Kyle, if you wake up I’m dead but I think I’m going to kiss you…” and I did. I leaned forward ever so steadily and pressed my lips to his. It wasn’t fireworks or electricity or heat like when he was awake and in love. It was more like…

Loneliness.

*************

Dallas was still asleep when Kyle was awake. I sat in the living room, sipping the tea Abby had welcomed me to make. He walked out and headed staright for the kitchen, not sparring a glance where he knew I sat. “There’s tea” I called softly. He grunted in reply.

My ears were perked as he clattered around the kitchen, the sound of cabneits opening and closing as he found a tea cup, the clink of the mug against the counter, the soft sound of water flowing into a cup. The fridge opened, the fridge closed. It was all very straining, waiting for him to come back out.

And when he came back out, he turned right back around to leave.

“So was it my fault? That Karen’s dead I mean. That Dallas has no mom” What was I saying? Part of me was wondering, but to say it out loud… it sounded selfish somehow. Kyle paused, but didn’t turn around. I waited. He had something to say. He must…

He started walking away again.

“So that’s a yes then?” Again he stopped, but this time turned to glare at me.

“We both know that’s not true so just stop it. To have to comfort you would be… I don’t know if my sanity could take it” I have to keep going though. Because he’s acknowledging me. He’s talking to me. And though his words are hard and cold, they’re giving me some kind of high.

“That’s what hurt the most you know.” my hands shake and the tea in my hands spills a little. “that you didn’t even care. You didn’t even say ‘I hate you’. obviously I was nothing to you. But here I am for you, trying my best to let you underdstand-” he was walking across the room the whole time I’d spoke. He reached me now, and took the tea from my hands, slamming it down in front of me.

“Dallas is asleep. You’re done for the day. Go home.”

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I'm so sorry about this. My recent inconsistency. My bi-polarness. My anger and my mopiness and my sadness. I'm just so scared becuase it feels like I've gone back in time and the period in my life that I was happy was all just a dream that I'm waking up from to find nothings changed at all. This is the worst time for me NOT to be writting but I just can't find the energy or the time or the emtional flexibility to feel anything that doesn't hurt.

But you're just here for the story, so sorry. I'll upload when I can.