Unaccustomed: Urban

Accustomed to Forgetting

"The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem." Josiah told me. I glanced at him.

I realized in the last week I had blacked out on him five times. Every time he touches I get flashbacks of Lace.

I had already scheduled an appointment with a mental health counselor for later that day, but I  didn't have a problem. I didn't need recovery. I just needed some pills or something.

I sighed, running my hands down my face. I mumbled, "Fuck you and your recovery." He was silent, so I glanced at him.

"You really think you can talk to me like I'm a lil nigga or something." He said.

I sighed, "I wasn't trying you." I said.

"All I ever did was try to love you, and all you ever do is try to push me away. If it's like that then make it known." Josiah told me.

"It's not like that." I told him.

"Honestly, I'm tired of fighting you to let me love you. You're not over Lace. You need help, and you won't have me until you get help." He told me.

I looked at him, and I could tell he was serious.

"I am over Lace." I told him. For him to even think that I still loved Lace was crazy.

"You looked him in his eyes and told him you'd never love anyone as much as you love him."

"I told him I'll never feel for anyone what I feel for him. I didn't say love." I said.

"So you the type of female to look a nigga in the eye and lie to him?" He asked.

"Yeah, when they're tryna kill me! What kind of question is that?" I yelled.

"I feel like we are wasting our time fucking with each other." Josiah said.

"Is this about me or is this about the girl that was kissing on you at Siriya's house last week?" I asked.

"Karly doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you're not over Lace." He told me.

"Nah. You're not willing to fight for me anymore because you want to go be with ole girl anyways."

He shrugged, "Ole girl don't got emotional problems that she refuse to get help for."

"But ole girl gone have emotional problems when I get finished with her." I mumbled.

He smiled, "Say less."

He wanted to see me go to war for him like he did for me. I love Josiah. He gives love a meaning, and he gives life a purpose. I just have a hard time showing him that. If I have to make baby girl disappear, then abracadabra.

---

"Ms. Heath. Welcome. Have a seat." The lady smiled at me. I smiled back seating on the couch across from her.

"My name is Dr. James, but you can call me Sidney."

"Okay." I nodded.

"So Kaia? Is that what you like to be called," I nodded, "Tell me about yourself."

"Well, I'm 20 years old, and I'm a sophomore in college. I live with my best friend." I explained.