I'm not okay

Trois

November 5th

I've been contemplating my life...
Thinking about how music started to mean a lot to me.
I remember when I turned 13.
It was my birthday, late April.
It was still cold but the sun was peeking through the clouds.
I was walking through the hallways in school.
The popular kids walking in their cliques, me walking with my friend, Nevaeh.
Apparently it was my turn to be a toy for them.
They walked up to me.
"What are you doing here Jayden!"
"I'm Walking"
"Why are you walking? Why are you alive?
Why are you sharing air with me?
Are you troubled?"
"..."
Nevaeh kept nagging me to walk away and act like it was fine. She knows me. She knows this isn't the first time.
I couldnt manage to move my legs or mouth.
I was losing.
Katrina (the leader of the clique) pushes me back.
Into Nevaeh,I fall,she falls.
We get up fast. But this time instead of not being able to move, I could feel everything.
Katrina and her friends walk away laughing.
"Why don't you go write some sad songs, bad poetry, and leave my life."

I ran.
Away from Nevaeh.
Away from the school.
Away from life.

I grabbed my phone and ran to the tree.
The big tree in the park that mom always used to show me.
I just randomly clicked shuffle.
And the song that will forever change me life played.
What a Catch, Donnie - Fall Out Boy...
"I've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match what a Catch what a Catch."

I don't want to think about this anymore.And fuck all this happened on my birthday.
SO lucky