The Big Book of Fairy Tales & Nightmares

Haunted

Haunted

Nightmare

Sometimes everything seems to go dim and the walls feel like they're closing in around you. Not in a comforting blankets wrapped around you kind of way. More like I'm trapped here, all alone in the dark. You can hear everything people are saying, loud and clear. But for some reason they feel a world away. Your senses work perfectly. You can see and feel everything. But as your body starts to shake and the thoughts take over you feel isolated and trapped in your own mind. There's a soft patter of rain drops on your window, which you would usually find soothing. But for some reason, every drop of water hitting that cool smooth surface makes you jump.

You get paranoid. You think they're out there. Out to get you. Even though you know that there is no one. You are so shaken that your mind can't even form thoughts. And yet the thought, of the wild ideas your imagination refuses to fully perceive, leaves you cowering in the corner with tears streaming down your face. Suddenly, everything you've ever known and loved is out there. Waiting. Watching. The problem is you. You are the one thing that draws together and unites these vast number of demons.

You whimper and pull at your hair, as the voices start in your head.

You're not good enough.

You're not pretty enough.

Not skinny enough.

Not nice enough.

Not smart enough.

No one wants to know you.

Who the fuck would want to be your friend?!

Of course they wouldn't talk to you.

You seriously thought that they cared?

You're just a jealous bitch.

You're shallow.

You're worthless.

They don't love you.

No one loves you.

No one ever did.

Fat ass.

Emo.

Slut.

Whore.

Thief.

Liar.

You'd be better off dead.

You're a waste of space on earth.

You aren't even worth a second glance.

No one wants you.

You are all alone.

You. Are. Nothing.

Even your own sub-conscious sneers and laughs at your weaknesses. Your body shakes with every sob. People who care and love you are all around but you shy away and hide. You don't believe them anymore. You're not good enough. They don't want you around.

"STOP." You scream at yourself. "LEAVE ME ALONE."

It doesn't work. It never has. You don't want to but at this point you feel like you're in a trance. A true out of body experience. You see yourself reaching for the blade, and you silently sob.

"No, please don't. Stop this."

But you can't. You're too far gone. You don't control your body anymore. You don't even feel the cool metal as it presses against you're skin. You are out of tears. Nothing but a sad useless lump on the ground. The pain doesn't wake you up like it used to. It doesn't work anymore. And you don't know what to do. You drop the blade, and stare sadly at the crimson drops splashing on the tile of the bathroom floor. You still can't believe it.

You think: Did I really just do that? You think: What's next.

You hate yourself. You hate yourself for hating yourself. And you hate that self for getting to a point where you needed to find refuge in self loathing. You want to tell someone but you know that they won't understand. They think you're attention seeking. A compulsive liar who wants to be shown some caring and pity. It's not like that. Or at least that's what you think. You're not sure. You don't know anymore.

And maybe, just maybe. It scares you so much, that you don't think that you'll ever want to know.