Perhaps it is the adrenaline rush that starts up an act of trouble. One does not need to search of trouble, mind you, but perhaps it is simply human nature to end up venturing for it nonetheless? Could it be that we crave the feeling of going against the wishes of what someone has shut down upon us?
I often times more than not find myself walking with an almost, dare I say, desperate urgency when I graze my school hallways. There's an indescribable feeling- though I will try to put it into words for you to perhaps understand and maybe even know it yourself- that fills me up inside. One where I feel the need to showcase that I am there- that I want to be noticed for something other than what I desperately wish I wasn't- the quiet fool. Though in all honesty I'm just flat out not noticed. It is how my world goes and it must be something that I need to come to terms with. It is also something that a large part of my heart feels to fight against. I ponder if I am just looking to begin trouble, or maybe I have self consciously locked myself up inside the deep vault of my mind? Could it simply be an adrenaline rush I involuntarily wish to indulge? Perhaps I am no more than a simple desperate and needy young girl who is still in search of her place in the modern society? These answers are not ones that I have. Perhaps it is all simply a matter of time. As they say, we do have the rest of our lives to figure things out. If only I could make myself believe that I will live long enough to fulfil my needs to acquire this knowledge.
