For the First Time

Chapter Five

          After getting one plastic bag’s worth of groceries, I stopped by Tessa’s shop to check up on her.  The previous day, she had told her assistant manager that she had the flu and couldn’t come to work.  She spent the whole day in bed with Teddy at her side, watching funny movies and crying.  When I got back from work, I sat on the bed next to her, comforting her when tears wouldn’t stop coming, making her dinner, buying her chocolate, and just keeping her company. 

         Being the strong girl she was, she had woken up the next morning and made herself go to work.  She showered and put just a little bit of make up on, not feeling the need to impress anyone but not wanting to look like death. 

         As I walked into her shop, a mother with her young daughter had just been handed their cupcakes in the cute lavender boxes that Tessa had designed and were walking towards me.  The girl, who had a head of beautiful blond curls and had to be around four years old looked up at me and grinned.  “Cupcakes awe yummy yummy!”

         I laughed.  “Yes they are!” I said, smiling politely at the mother as they walked past me.  I leaned my elbows onto the front counter, placing my face in my hands.  “She is so adorable!”

         “I know, she was telling me her Christmas list just a minute ago.” Tessa said, “she may be cute, but she’s demanding.  She wants three puppies, and to name them Minnie, Mickey, and Pluto.”

         “So cute!  I bet she gets her way a lot, I could never say no to that face.”

         “Me neither.” Tessa agreed.  I took a good look at her, searching for signs of sadness.  She had pulled her hair back into a ponytail; Her face was dry, yet her eyes were watery, red, and empty.  She may have been able to fake a smile, but there was no way to hide the pain in her eyes. 

         “How are you holding up?”

         “I’ve been okay.  I have been able to keep it all in, but when there’s no one here, my mind wanders.  I keep wanting to call him, but I know that’s not a good idea.”

         “No it’s not.”

         “What if he wants to talk to me too?”

         “Well has he called you?”

         She frowned.  “No, but he could be thinking the same thing I am, that I don’t want to be the first one.”

         “He could be, but you can’t give in.  Talking to him will just make everything harder than it already is.”

         She buried her face in her hands in defeat.  “I don’t think anything could possibly get worse.  I’ve never felt this depressed before.  It’s as if he literally tore my heart in half.  My eyes hurt from both crying and trying not to cry, and I sometimes feel like I can’t breathe.  This is horrible, Harper.”

         I walked around the counter and put my arms around her as she started to cry again.  “Things will get easier, you’ll see.  As time goes on, you’ll get used to life without him.”

         “I don’t want to live without him though, Harp.  I want to be with him forever.” She said, whipping away tears.  “It’s just not fair that one thing tears us apart.”

         “I know.  But it is a big thing.  You both deserve all of the happiness in the world, and though it’s hard to think this way now, this is best for the both of you.  Eventually your differences on starting a family would’ve led to this, unfortunately.” As I spoke, I knew my words were harsh, even when I meant for them to make her feel better.  She looked even more defeated than she had the previous day, and I realized it might not have been a good idea to visit her.  It was as if she was an actress in a play, and I had distracted her and made her break away from her role.