Judith it's so cuttteeeeeeee
The past few hours in watch duty had been kind of a torture for me. I've been trying to control this since I've learned what it actually is. We grew up together, we've seen a lot of nasty things together and suddenly we were at the age of awkwardness and hormones and, apparently, mine decided to show up. I've been trying to convince myself that he would never agree with this and even if he did it wasn't a good idea. It would do us no good. Well an orgasm would, though.
Here in Alexandria they have lots of books so I've been reading a lot, especially about biology – my favorite class in school – and recently I read about menstrual cycle and sexuality, there is this period when women are ready to get pregnant and that's when you only want sex. For the past few months I've been trying to convince myself that I just want Carl because of this annoying period and he's the only interesting boy around.
Sometimes I have this feeling that our friendship has changed in a certain way.
I think it's because of the hormones, but we're touchier and even occasionally flirty. He has this habit of holding the back of my neck whenever we hug each other, or when I'm mad at something he rubs my shoulder or my back, he plays with my hair brushing his long and cold fingers against my ears and neck and sometimes he whispers something to me and I can't stand that. The hot breath, that amazing voice, the way he says my name. Oh, man! I was losing it.
I felt ridiculous every time Carl popped in my head or whenever I decided to touch myself he would always wind up in my dirty little thoughts.
"(Y/N), you can go. It's my shift now." I hear Spencer say.
"Okay, thanks."
"Oh and uh... Carol asked me to tell you she's taking lunch to Rick's place."
I nodded and left. Great, I'm having one of those crazy moments and I'm heading straight to the danger. You can do this. I took a deep breath and knocked. I heard laughs from inside and that made me happy because we were doing fine here, we were adapting at last.
Carl opened the door while holding Judith and gave me a smile.
"Come in, (Y/N)" Oh please Carl not today don't say my name.
The smell of whatever Carol cooked was amazing and she was sitting next to Daryl and they were gazing each other with such warmth, in a cozy and even romantic way. I wanted them to be together but right now it just made me want to turn around and look in Carl's eye.
We sat down, ate and talked about the most random things. We talked about things we did before the apocalypse, we laughed at things that happened to us and we just enjoyed each other's company. Don't think that's gonna happen again in anytime soon tough.
Then I felt a hand touch my thigh lightly, I closed my eyes trying to keep it together because from where it was coming it had to be Carl's. I looked at him and he was still paying attention to Glenn, who was telling something very newsworthy because Carl and a few other people in the table were concentrated.
He caressed my thigh going down my knee and squeezed a bit and took his hand off. Like doing that was only a reflex, part of a routine. I don't know if he hadn't noticed or if he was just pretending to make me confuse.
Later in the same day he did that terrible/delicious massage in my sore shoulders. We offered to wash the dishes, so after lunch everybody went back to their normal activities, and when we were done I made a stupid joke about the amount of plates and forks and sighed.
He must've gotten that as a complaint because he said "relax" and then came behind the chair I was sitting and pushed my hair aside. His hands were soft and steady, it felt great but I couldn't let him carry on with this. I placed my hands on top of his and turned my head around.
