Gold Eyes

Chapter 1

I tried so long to forgot you. Forget the way you looked at me, the way you could make me feel better with one look, the way you smiled. I couldn't forgot you.
The day you left, was on a cold spring day. You didn't tell me, I saw you leave. You left a note on my doorstep with a necklace. My heart shattered reading the note. You left. You promised me so much, but i didn't receive anything from you. No texts, no calls, no words.
The day before you left was the best day any girl could have. We were sitting on your bed. Playing games. As 14 year olds, we didn't know what to do. You played with your brown hair. I remember almost every time you would look at me, my heart would skip millions of beats. You smile. With your white teeth.
"Nolan" i say with no expression in his name.
"Yes?" He responds
"What if one day we aren't friends?"
He gulped. His green eyes fall to the floor.
"I'd die." He responded.
"No you wouldn't. You know you wouldn't."
"Aria Mae Peterson, you know I'd die for you."
"But would you really?" I ask. He didn't responded. He stood up. Took one hand, placed it on my cheek, pulled me in and kissed me.
~
I'm sitting on my large bed. 2 years later, Still wondering if Nolan feels the taste of my lips on his, as I do mine. I run my finger across my lips and almost feel him. Feel his love again. What if somewhere out there, he is doing the same thing? My thoughts were zoned out by the family war downstairs. My mom and my father. Always fighting about something. I get up to slam my door, when I hear my father yell
"Well if you feel that way, I'll take my bottles, Aria and my rocks and leave!" He slammed something down on the table. I couldn't tell what it was, all i knew was that he was angry. I run to my sisters room. She's twelve. I knock on her door. I can hear her crying in her room.
"Go away." She mumbles. I sigh.
"It's Aria, sky" I hear something move and she opens her door. I grab her in my arms and hug her tight. Once I let go, I see her eyes are puffed up and red. She gets a frighten look on her face as she hears running up the stairs. Here it comes.
"Aria!" My father screams storming into Sky's room.
"Yes, dad" I respond head down .
"You're coming with me" he says reaching out to grab me . I move back. His eyes already filled with rage.
"No." I say. I regret it already.
"You know it's what's best for you."
"I know, but not right know ."
"Aria, I know I'm not the best dad, but I know you need this." I really don't want to fight with him. I walk out with him. My mom pleads for me to stay but I can't. I never can.
We are driving in the car to my dads work. He's blabbing about mom has no respect for anything but herself. I sit in silence.
"You know this is right." He says.
"I don't want this. That's just it." I spat.
"Well you need it . Besides, it isn't your choice . The rock choose you."
"I wish it didn't."
"And why is that?"
"Because you're obsessed with me saving the world, that you've completely shut out Sky! Mom hates how insane you are' you've completely gone insane, trying to make the perfect daughter!"
I hate this. I hate saying this to my dad . He doesn't respond. His fingers tapping the wheel on the beat of the song playing. I want to sing, like most girls do in their car driving with their family. That's not our family. I'm interrupted by my thoughts when three cars come racing at us. My dad turns off the road and stops the car. My heart stops for a sudden moment and i feel sick. I don't know why he stopped when three cars speeding come pleading at us. This doesn't feel safe. I start to yell at him.
"Keep going!!" I yell at him.
"Shut up! Shut up now!" He yells back, pulling my hair to move me head. The tight hold indicates he wants me to duck. The car was still moving, his foot on the peddle. He must've not noticed. The noise of a crash rings through my head and the pieces of glass cuts my leg. The blood pouring down my skin hurt more then a scratch. This will definitely leave a scar.
People run out of the cars gun pointed at us. I'm scared. My dad gets out of the car. You're stupid, I say in my head, wishing i could tell it. He was asking for it. I grab for his arm but he is too far away. I don't know what to do. I sit in silence as the next minute goes by way too fast. One minutes he is standing, the next blood his pouring down him . The sound of gun shots ring through my head. No. no this can't be happening. He stumbles forward. He falls face flat on the hard ground.
"DADDY!" I scream. Scrambling out of the car. "No no come back!!!" I wish that bullet wasn't meant for my dad, instead i wish they pointed it to me. He could've lived longer, been what he wanted. But no it's now too late. For the fourth time tonight I've been scared out of my mind. The first when my fathers eyes filled with rage and grabbing me. The second, when he yells, the third when we crashed and the fourth my fathers blood dripping from his body.
There is three seconds of silence. Then car engines start, thudding noises from people running, and my fathers last heart beat.
I'm sitting beside my fathers body on the side of the road. It's been at least ten minutes since they were here killing him. Why him? Why not me? He had still so much to do, had so much to be. Now he is gone. I scream for him to come back but I know he is gone.
~
I stand at my fathers grave, On his birthday. It's raining. I'm glad its raining. The rain hides me tears. I start to speak in a low thin voice.
"I know you never got to be the person you once wanted to be, but you were my dad. Even if you made me hurt sometimes, I still loved you. I know you had problems but we could've helped you. But that's too late now huh." I finish. Tears streaming down my face. This is the first time in a long time I've let myself cry. No mater how hard I cry or how loud I scream, I know he can't hear me. And I scream. Hoping one time, just once my screams could bring him back to this world,Loud and clear I scream.
His grave is in a forest far away from anyone. My screams echo around me and my knees shake till I drop to ground. My tears fall and soak the ground. My hairs soaked from the rain but that's okay.I read one last time what is on my fathers grave.
'The wind blows and I hear words being spoken
"Do not stand at my grave and weep for I am not here anymore." A male voice in the wind speaks. It sounds like my dad. And I really hope it is.
"Dad.. dad I miss you" I choke. My voice is sad and lonely.
"let me go" he says. I feel the wind on my face. I grab for it but as I do it leaves. Just like he did.
~
I'm home. I walk up my creaky front steps. My front door is unlocked. I walk into my front hallway. There is a picture of my family and I. My father smiling and holding my hand. I smile and keep walking. I see my mom in the living room, drinking some sort of wine. I sigh. It's been 7 months since
my father died and she still isn't over it. They may have fought a lot but they loved each other. She nods at me but doesn't say anything. She never really does anymore. Sometimes I want her to hug me and tell me everything is alright but that doesn't happen. The silence is so loud it devastates me. One thing I've learned over the past few months, is silence actually makes noise and is the loudest thing that brings you to your knees. It's makes your tear stained pillow want a break, it makes that war in your head fight harder until it's dead. It makes me want to scream until my lungs give in. Silence is the thing that's slowly killing me.
I've always felt like my mom, almost blames me for my fathers death. If i didn't just stay, if I said no. If said no and be the woman I want to be. If I said no for the rights of woman's kind, cause you see, women are unable to speak the word no until it's too late, and late makes it worse for the heart and the pain. I've cursed the day I only learned the words yes and I'm sorry. I could've said no and it would of all been prevented and that gun wouldn't have shot my father.
I hear footsteps from outside my room. I can tell it's not my moms, so it must be my sisters. She usually sends messages between my mom and i. I really hate it. I hate the fact that I can't talk to her. Sky shuffles her feet at my door. She takes a moment before entering my room. The door opens and I see a small black haired girl walk in. My little sister. Her eyes are glued to the floor. I don't say anything, I just look at her.
"Mom doesn't want you to go to dads grave." She says. Her voice has no emotion. It's thin and gone in a second. Like a ghost.
"Maybe I didn't go to his grave." I said trying to hold the bitterness in my voice back. It's not her fault my mother won't talk to me. Sometimes she doesn't even seem like a mom.
"You came home, tears running down your voice. Your eyes were red. I can hear in your voice that you've been crying. And on dads birthday. It seems like the only thing that's pointing that way." She says, eyes still on the floor.
"When did she start caring what I did?" This time the bitterness, wouldn't shut up. I curse myself for saying what I did.
"She always has! You're just to blind to see it! She loves you, she cares about you, you just won't accept that. You think she blames you for dads death?" Her eyes finally lift from the ground. I see the tears rising in her eyes. I shake my head. "Well she doesn't. She just doesn't know how to confront you. She thinks you need space. She thinks you're hurt." She finishes.
"She doesn't know if I am hurt or not!! She doesn't take the time to know me! She doesn't care for me!" I scream at her. Her fragile body shaking, her eyes filled with fear. I stand up and run to hug her. She doesn't hug back at first. I finally feel her small arms wrap around me. When we finally let go she whispers.
"I know you're hurt but some other people are hurt too. Not just you." And with that she leaves without a sound.