Adventure 2016

Chapter 23: guilty as charged.

"I demand an audience with Archduke Crackwing," Jenny said. "Otherwise he'll never see his nephew again."

The first seagull stretched one wing out to the side, then folded it back against its body. Like it was working a kink out of a muscle.

"I'm afraid his majesty has a zero tolerance approach to kidnappers and ransomers," the gull said. "But as you've just admitted to the crime, I'll pronounce you guilty and we can get on with the executing."

"The first seagull that tries anything will be dead before he can raise a wing," Claudia said.

She was prowling around the children, legs bent low, ready to pounce.

"Yeah, yeah," The gull was nonplussed. "But what about the second gull?"

Notail jumped from James's shoulder to his head, bow drawn, ready to fire.

"Okay, Okay," the gull seemed bored. "So the assassin takes the second--"

"And the third, then I'll have the fourth and fifth." Claudia cut in.

"Whatever. It makes no difference to me whether the first beak draws their blood or the last. Either way, the children will die, and I'll go home to bed. You two may as well just stand aside and save yourselves. Ready men?" the gull called to the soldiers.

The birds nearest Claudia and Notail didn't look too happy. Jenny saw one of them gulp, but it still nodded its head to the leader. The cat stopped prowling, she was a predator now, ready to pounce.

"Hang on Claudia," Jenny said, rummaging around in her coat pocket. She pulled out the badger stone and held it toward the gull-in-charge. "Now can I speak to the Archduke?"

"Where did you get that? the seagull asked. "Stole it I bet."

"The King Under the Fort gave it to us," James said. "And said that he lends us his paw."

The bird sighed. "Hold off men," it said. "Looks like the executions will have to wait. Tammo, go fetch his majesty. The rest of you, stay sharp, I don't want these prisoners escaping."

The bird on the gull's left took off and flew back to the pier.

James whispered to Jenny, "Who did you kidnap?"

"The Duke of Jubilee Square," she said quietly. "We caught him trying to escape through a service hatch, and locked him in a cleaning cupboard."

"You caught him? How?"

"Elf lured him with doughnuts. He's quite gullible, for a duke. I thought we could use him as leverage, to convince his uncle to go back to Portsmouth. Elf and I had a plan."

"It might work," James said. "But it might get us killed too."

"What happened to King Pigeon?" she asked.

"Claudia and Notail dispatched him," he said.

Tammo returned, along with the Archduke. He was very old, and larger than King Pigeon, but not as fat. He had armour too, of sorts. Not golden and fancy; it was made of cuttlefish and fishing net. He landed right in front of the children, not afraid of the presence of Claudia or Notail.

"What's this all about then? Where's my nephew. And what were all those stupid pigeons doing? And why on earth do these human chicks have a badger stone?"

"Was that bird your nephew?" Elf said. "We caught him running away. He chose a box of doughnuts over fighting with his flock."

Several of the soldiers chuckled and whispered to each other.

"Enough!" the Archduke roared. "That's my nephew, and anyone who speaks of him like that will answer to me!" He sounded truly angry, but as he turned around to glare at his troops he fired a quick wink at the children. "Now, if you fools were too scared to deal with these chicks, I'll do it myself. The rest of you," He held out a wing and pointed at the soldiers. "Can go back to the pier. Go on, get out of here!"

The soldiers looked uncertain, some of them fidgeted, but none left the groyne wall. Then the gull-in-charge shrugged and shouted, "You heard his majesty, back to the pier, you've earned some extra kip."

That did the trick. The soldiers took to the air and flew away.

"And you Banky, I'll take care of this now."

The gull-in-charge shook its head and flew after the other birds.

Claudia and Notail were ready for attack. The old gull just stepped back to the wall and used a wing to fish something shiny out of its netting armour.

"At ease, you two," the old gull said.

The shiny thing was an electronic cigarette. A pipe-shaped one. The gull hooked it onto the side of its beak and inhaled, a long slow breath.

"That's the problem with family," the old gull said. "If you've got enough relatives, you can be guaranteed that at least a couple of them are as brainless as birdseed. My nephew is one of those, I'm afraid."

"We were hoping to bargain with you, to get you to give up the pier," Jenny said. "We trapped the duke in a cupb oard."

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't advertise that fact." The Archduke took another long suck on his pipe. "Bad for my reputation. What were those stupid pigeons up to, any of you know?"

James told the seagull about the pigeon's plan, the firework boat, the rain of fire, and about some cats holding the beach.

"Well, it sounds like I should be thanking you for saving my feathers!" the old gull said with a cheery chuckle. "But I can't have my nephew locked in a cupboard. It sounds like we needs to come to an agreement. Any ideas?"

They all talked it over, the children and the old gull. The children wanted the seagulls to leave the pier. The archduke, who had come to Brighton to try and support his nephew, wanted nothing more than to leave. But he couldn't leave without a victory. And he needed to help his nephew, as much as it pained him to do so.

They came to an agreement. Jenny and Elf ran back to the pier to release the Duke. The bird came flapping over to the groyne. He was fat and fluffy, and nothing like his uncle.

"Allo uncle!" the duke said. "Nice evening, isn't it?"

The old gull ignored his nephew.

"So," the old gull said. "The story will be that as I was about to execute the children with a slice of my wing, a grey assassin shot me from behind with a deadly poison dart. I was only saved, at the last minute, by my daring nephew, who struck the squirrel and caused its dart to miss."

"I did?" the duke said. "Fancy that."

Jenny and Elf came running back.

"Got any more doughnuts?" the duke asked them.

Jenny took out the poison dart that had nearly killed Claudia. It was still wrapped in clingfilm. She pushed it into a cuttlefish in the armour n the old gull's back.

"Perfect!" the old gull said. "So my nephew's a hero, I survived a grey assassin, and I can go home to Portsmouth on the excuse that I don't want any more assassination attempts. Everyone got that straight?"

The children nodded. Everyone was happy.

Well, not quite everyone.

"Are you sure there's no more doughnuts?"