Lips

Chapter 2

Riley

I walked over to the shower and turned it on. I put the nozzle all the way to the left. I wanted it as hot as it could go. The burn I felt on my skin when I entered the water was painful. But the pain I felt was exhilarating. I could see my arms turn red from the heat.

A few minutes later I was washing my hair when some more knocks came from behind the door.

"Um. H.. Hey Riley? Ca.. Can I come in?" Jeremy's stuttering voice floated through the door like choppy ocean waves. I didn't care if Jeremy came in. Sure I was naked in a shower. But I didn't have to worry about Jeremy looking. Jeremy had a boyfriend named Casey. Nobody knew that Jeremy was gay except me. But I found out by accident at a party.

"Yeah, come on in." I shouted over the streaming water. I heard the door open and close.

"You have therapy down and the center ok. Around twelve o'clock alright?" Jeremy voice was apologetic because he knew how much I hated group therapy. They all looked at you in judgement and don't care what happened to get you here. All they care about is fixing what's wrong with you. They don't care if you have anxiety in crowded places, they'll crowd you anyways.

"Yeah, I know." I sighed. I turned off the water and wrung out my hair. I stuck out my hand and waited for Jeremy to hand me my towel. When he did I quickly drew my arm back and wrapped the towel around me. I opened the shower door and stepped out. I went over to the sink and wiped the steam away from the mirror. I turned my head to look at Jeremy who was smirking at me.

"I don't even want to know what is going through your head." I told him.

I looked into the mirror and saw dark circles under my eyes. I touched my pale cheeks and sighed. Biting my lip so hard it almost bled, I thought about myself and what I used to look like.

I used to be beautiful. I had blonde almost white hair that was past my shoulders. My eyes were a dark chocolate brown. And my skin had a golden tint to it. My face always had color, my lips were a dark rose petal pink. My eyelashes so long that you thought they could touch the sky. Before I was someone you would notice. Someone who made an impression in your mind. Someone you wouldn't forget about. But now, I'm a dull, plain, boring girl. Not anymore do my cheeks hold color and my lips have faded into almost white. My eyes they aren't a dark chocolate, but a dull dirt color. I changed my hair into a light pinkish hue and my body has shrunken into itself. Folding itself around the bones, that are jutting out trying to breach the pale cold skin of my body. People don't remember me. They don't think about me after I've gone. I don't leave and impression, but a faint mist of my appearance. I try and hide what "beauty" is left of me. Before I used to relish in the stares I got from the boys. But now if you stare for too long, and for too hard I become uncomfortable and feel the need to shy away and run into hiding.

Recently I figured out that people do pay attention to me. I figured it out when I was in out local art shop. I was at the counter checking out. While I was getting my bag a young man about my age came up and paid for my stuff. I knew the guy was going to talk to me. I wasn't good at talking to people I didn't know. Especially men. I even start to have panic attacks if Jeremy stares at me for too kind. I turned my head to look at the front door wishing that Ryan would hurry up and get here already. I took a shaky breath and looked back at the checkout girls holding out another bag for me to take. My bands were shaking when I reached out to grab the plastic. I was shaking because of the guy who was next to me. He smelled like peppermint and pine, he was tall and buff. And he was standing way too close. I guess the girl behind the counter saw that I was flustered or scared because she instantly turned to the guy and started to talk to him. Distracting him so he wasn't paying attention to me. I look back at the door and saw that Ryan was there waiting. I almost ran out the shop. Once I got into the truck I put my head between my knees and started to shake. It didn't stop for another 10 minutes. By that time I was in my house with my father, and my brother around me. I have always felt safer with my dad around. He is a small man, but he would give his life to protect his family. So when he realised that I was having problems with my mental health, it was his idea to send me to group therapy.