"Never Change, Never Leave Me" (Kogan) (BTR)

Chapter 3: Nightmare

A/N: Chappie 3! hope you guys enjoy and please vote and comment I'm still not sure if you guys are enjoying the story and it would really help me. okay enough chit chat!

Chapter 3: Nightmare

For Logan, telling the story of how he'd fallen so deeply in love with Kendall had been akin to getting a shovel and digging a hole to China. Just digging and digging, bringing up more dirt that he'd tried to keep buried, and eventually reaching an inner core of molten heat.

In the years following the acceptance of the fact that he indeed liked Kendall "that way," Logan had gone through a lightning-quick sequence of feelings, emotions, conclusions, assumptions, and drama. At first, he'd foolishly believed that if he was in love with Kendall, Kendall could be in love with him. It had made sense at the time, and the more he had become comfortable with the idea of being "Kendall Knight's boy," the more he would allow himself to dream and fantasize about Kendall returning his feelings.

But the girls. Kendall liked the ladies, and they liked him, and Logan had been witness to it nearly every day. Kendall going to the movies with this girl, going to dinner with that girl, inviting them over to his house to meet his parents, etc. They'd always been there, and Logan had always watched, silently, in the background, hoping...praying that the day would come when Kendall would realize that the one he needed, the one who loved him more than anyone else, was right there all along...just wrapped in a package he hadn't been expecting.

And so what if they were both guys? Logan had come to the realization that he could love anyone, no matter what their sex or gender was. All that mattered was the feeling, the emotion, the love. Not like it mattered anyway. His attraction to guys was exactly the same as his attraction to girls - ultimately meaningless because nothing could compete with his attraction to Kendall.

Yes, Kendall liked the girls, and the girls liked Kendall. By the time they'd entered high school, Logan had slowly accepted that Kendall would never feel the same as he, so he'd settled on going on without ever loving anyone. If he could not have the one he wanted, why have a cheap replacement? He would have never been able to give himself completely to that poor person, whoever he or she would have been, so what would have been the point? He'd fill his life with books and knowledge. Some days would be better than others, but he'd still have Kendall's friendship, and that would have to be enough.

Of course, that was easier said than done. He'd gotten the hang of it all through the move from Minnesota to California, and even when Jo had come into the picture, he'd been able to accept her relationship with Kendall. See, Logan had come to the realization that all he really wanted was for Kendall to be happy, even if that meant being happy with some girl who would never fully appreciate the amazing young man who was her boyfriend. It hurt him sometimes, but every time Jo made Kendall smile, every time his green eyes lit up in her presence, Logan could feel the fluttering in his own heart. As long as Kendall was happy, he could learn to be happy, too.

And in the future, he'd never be too far away. If some girl ever broke Kendall's heart, Logan would be no more than a phone call, Facebook message, or airplane ticket away. He'd console and comfort his best friend, still fighting a hope that something more could happen, but ultimately celebrating when Kendall would move on to "happiness" with the next ungrateful girl. It seemed to be a sad existence to him, but he figured it was the only way he could live.

But Kendall...Kendall Donald Knight. Always doing those little things that drove Logan crazy. The way he'd stand up to Gustavo, the way he'd take care of his little sister, the way he'd always be the fearless leader of their quartet. The way he'd always plan these adorable, romantic, flawless dates with Jo, with Logan silently imagining himself in her place.