We Are Made From Broken Parts {On Hold}

Save Me

~April~

I peel myself off of the floor. My arms and face are throbbing in pain. My father sits on the couch, staring at the tv with a blank expression. I quietly shuffle up the stairs, hoping he won't notice. I hold my breath as I hear movement. What sounds like glass hits the floor and shatters. I sigh quietly, just a beer bottle. I hobble into my room and shut the door inaudibly. My arms almost sigh in relief as I fall tiredly onto my dark blue carpet. My cat, Cookie meows and purrs when I gently scratch behind his ears, my arms aching with the effort. "Why can't I have a normal life?" I whisper to Cookie tiredly. My cheek stings, bringing me out of my thoughts. My arms groan in protest as I carefully move to my floor length mirror. As I lean in to see myself better, I tug my long, thick hair out of my eyes. I groan silently as my eyes land on my split lip and bruised cheek. At least I don't have school until next year. It was summertime, which means that I would be home more than normal. My father always ordered me to stay home and away from people, saying "the fewer people that I came into contact with the better." It was like if someone befriended me, I would immediately tell them that my parents abused me. 

My parents weren't always like this. They used to be normal, though I doubt they would treat me any differently. When I was 12, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and my dad took it pretty hard. He started drinking more and whenever he got money, he would blow it all on booze. Soon he became addicted and couldn't stop himself. My mom however, took medication and constantly switched doctors. She soon became confused on what prescriptions to use and ended up taking different ones every day. They acted like nothing had happened, but I had heard them talking about it one day. I was supposed to be asleep, but I would creep downstairs just to peek in on them. About a year after the drinking and the pills, my parents started hitting me and calling me names. It wasn't that bad. They would hit me once or twice and then leave me alone until I did something else wrong. My mom soon got addicted to her pills and starting hitting and kicking me whenever she saw me. My father soon found out and has recently been helping her. My phone rings, blaring out "Comin' In Hot" and Cookie jumps. I smile and then grimace when my lips starts bleeding again. As I draw nearer, I see that my boyfriend is face timing me. I sigh and answer, slightly ashamed. 

"Hey baby!" comes Jorels voice. I smile lightly and try to ignore the blood trickling into my mouth. "What happened to your face?" He asks, concerned. A few years ago, Jorel had asked me to be his girlfriend. I was 17 and had barely had any human contact, but me being me, I said yes. Before J asked me, I met him on a gaming website. After that, we kind of just clicked and became good friends. I never told him about my parents, and he never asked. He always seems worries about me though and I know that he suspects something is wrong. We have never actually met in person because Jorel lives in L. A., California and I live in Virginia City, Nevada. Plus my parents would kill me if they found out that I have a boyfriend. "April, what happened to your face?" Jorel asks again, concerned. His face was drawn in a troubled expression. "Nothing, Jorel. I'm fine. I just fell." I say, dismissing the subject. "April..." He says and trails off at my look. "J, I am fine, I swear." I say and wince as Cookie steps in front of the camera and flops down onto my arms. "If you say so..." J  says and looks at me closely. "So how have you been doing?" I ask and scratch my kitten.

~Jorel~

I can tell that April is in pain. She's just deflecting. I sigh and answer her question. I can see her face and it clearly does not look okay. To make matters worse, Jordon and my friends are downstairs probably drunk out of their minds. We were in the studio recording all day, so I couldn't wait till I could call her. "Hey J?" I hear April ask timidly. "Yeah babe?" I ask and she smiles at the nickname. The first time I called her babe was last year. It was a couple of hours before I asked her to be my girlfriend and she blushed. We were face timing and it slipped out of my mouth. She and I blushed when we realized what I said and she wouldn't look me in the eyes for the rest of the call. "You do know what day it is right?" She asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. I slightly panic and start thinking as hard as I can. What's today's date? I ask myself. After checking my phone, I realized that it is our 1 year anniversary. "Happy anniversary baby!" She whispers excitedly, when she sees my look of recognition. I smile and stop myself from trying to reach out and touch her, knowing that it is just a screen. "Happy anniversary April." I say grinning. I wish I could see her. In real life. I wish that I could hold her and I wish that I could protect her from everyone and everything.

~April~

J is lost in thought again. The way he is biting his lip and tracing his tattooed scars proves it. "Baby, what are you thinking about?" I ask softly, groaning as Cookie gets up and walks away, stepping on my arm in the process. "I'm just thinking about us." Jorel says and grimaces as a loud crash comes from somewhere behind him. "Guys! Knock it off!" He yells away from the phone. "Sorry babe. I should go before they kill someone." He says hurriedly. I nod "Love you J." I say and blow him a kiss. He smiles before the screen goes blank. I walk over to my bathroom and run my hands under the cool water, rubbing at a particular spot until all of the make up comes off. My smile is replaced with a frown when I see my scars. I grimace, resisting the urge before washing my arms of and drying them. Dozens of bruises are scattered over my arms and they continue up my arm until they stop at my shoulders. I quickly pull off my shirt and jeans and walk over to my dresser. I throw on a tank top and some shorts. I glance at my wrists one more time before giving in. One. One was all I needed. It would remind me of my pain and what I had to do to myself. I grab my favorite razor and slowly cut a line onto my wrist. My arm screams in pain, but I barely notice it. My brain is being overwhelmed by emotions. All the names my parents call me. All the times they hurt me. Every single thought is pushing at my brain. 1 person flashes through my brain. Jorel. I immediately stop cutting and throw my blade into the sink. I start crying before running my arm underneath cold water. Once the bleeding has stopped, I put a bandage on before shutting all the lights off. As my head hits the pillow, my tears pour faster and faster. I told myself that I would stop!  I scream to myself. I told myself that I would stop. I promised! For Jorel. He would be heartbroken if something happened. I can't do this anymore, I think to myself. If it were up to me, I would already be gone. I say, having a mental break down. Soon my tears stop and I lull myself into a deep sleep.