As the on-field crew resets the giant flip chart style scoreboard from the previous night's score (red for the Earthers, black for the Horvath), the commentary got underway in the communications broadcast hut:
"Folks, for those of you just joining us, the pre-game warm up has finished, and we're almost ready to start official play in game seven of the Palladium Planet decision match."
"Well thank you, Captain Obvious," Captain Cherry said, "You think they couldn't figure that out by looking at the icy lake with no players on it?"
"Hey, I'm just ..."
"Never mind Captain MacLean, don't insult the folks out there at home. So game seven is what's happening, and it'll be happening real soon. But let's do a quick recap. Game one: animals. The damn Horvath came out there and made the Canadians look like hillbilly back-births."
"Hey, language," Captain MacLean interrupted.
"Yeah, yeah, our Appalachian American fighting men and women will get their panties in a twist, but I don't care. Game two made them look even worse, if possible. I mean for real Captain MacLean, these Van Doos that make up the team are supposed to be something aren't they?"
"Of course they are, Captain Cherry, they're..."
"You're damn right they are! The Royal 22nd Regiment are the bee's knees when it comes to combat. I'll put them up against the Marine pussies and the French Legion frogs any day of the week!" He just held up a hand at Captain MacLean's protest before he even got to utter it. "Then in game three and four, our boys and girls finally pulled the fleur-de-lys out of their asses and put on a show! I mean HOO BOY! When Private Robichaud bounced up from his skates and somersaulted over the Horvath Left Guard to make that catch, I mean man! Wow! Was that gameplay or was that gameplay?"
"Yes, Captain Cherry it sure ..."
"And then that little Felder dynamo tackled two Horvath at once! TWO of them! I mean that little filly don't look nothing more than 40 kilos soaking wet but sweet mercy, did she ring their bells or did she ring their bells?"
"You're absolutely right, Captain Cherry, Warrant Officer Felder ..."
"And then last night – seventy-five to zero! Amazing! The Horvath representative said that only twice in recorded history has a whatever-the-fuck-you-call this game resulted in a perfect game. A perfect game he called it! I'll tell ya, Ron, those smarmy bastards aren't going to come out here today with anything but murder in their eyes. Our boys and girls have to really bring it today because those Horvath fuckers ..."
"Grapes! Language!"
"What-ever! Those pussies are coming out for religious blood, and our Canadian players better do it hard and get it right, and shove that palladium right back up those smelly Horvath asses!"
"Well, I think ..."
"What do you think, MacLean? What? What exactly do you think? Are you going to say anything here? Are you? Or are you going to make me carry this whole thing? Well?"
"Well, Grapes, I think that you said it all. We need the bee's knees to come out on the field of honour and ram some fleur-de-lys right up those smelly Horvath arses."
"Couldn't have said it better myself, Captain Maclean."
<*> <*> <*>
Excerpts from Game Seven Broadcast of the Palladium Planet Decision Series
First Inning:
