the dark you fear in the night // gawsten

twelve

goeff got home from work four hours ago, and is now sitting in his living room with awsten, who is letting out all of his feelings. it breaks goeff's heart to see his boy like this, but he knows that if he keeps it bottled up, it will get worse. 

he's calmly talking about how much his dad made him hate himself. well, not really calmly. he's not crying, but he's shaking almost violently. he's talking about his past and how his mother never realized what was happening until he broke down to her when he was seventeen.

he's talking about the dream he had about geoff. how he walked out on him, not before telling awsten how worthless he was. this causes geoff to just pull awsten into a hug and hold him for five minutes. it's silent in the apartment. geoff lets go of him after whispering to him, "i am never going to treat you like he did."

he's talking about how his father almost won full custody of him when he was seventeen, and the constant nightmares and panic attacks that went with that. sure, it was only a year until he turned eighteen and could immediately move out, but if he could barely handle seeing him four days out of the month, he was sure he wouldn't have survived if he won the court case.

he almost won full custody because the court didn't have 'enough evidence' to plead him guilty. that was until awsten was able to dig up multiple pictures of bruises on his body that he had shown geoff, who at the time was sworn into secrecy. his father was then put into jail for three years on charges of child abuse. 

he's talking about how, even after all of that, he's still afraid of the dark. every silhouette that he could make out somehow looked like a threat to him. ever since he was a child, it's always been this way. but now, after the incident with his father, it's become worse. even when he closes his eyes and can't see anything, he still somehow sees a threat: blindness. something could come up behind him and get him. it was a silly fear to some, but to awsten, it was almost life threatening. 

awsten leaned over into geoff's chest and just quietly cried. that's all he could do, that's all he felt like doing. his weak, pale hands are grasping at geoff's shirt gently, just to hold him and feel some sort of control. geoff drapes his arms over awsten and pulls him close, letting the small boy weep openly without any fear of abandonment. 

"thank you," awsten whispers in between a sob. 

geoff's heart breaks at the sound. he wants to tell awsten that he doesn't have to thank him. he wants to tell him that he's just being a good friend. he wants to tell awsten that he knows that he would do the same for him. but all he can manage out is, "don't mention it."

this makes awsten giggle slightly for some apparent reason, and he pulls back away from geoff, wiping his tired, teary, bloodshot eyes. "i've been a mess recently, i'm really sorry-"

"do not apologize, i've told you multiple times, love, you don't have to apologize."

awsten smiles, "okay, thank you for always being there for me."

geoff ruffles awsten's hair, causing the smaller boy to giggle and shove him away playfully. "no need to thank me, i know you would do the same." 

awsten feels different whenever he's around geoff. he feels like nothing in the world matters and nothing can hurt him. he feels good for once and he feels invincible and he feels safe and protected.

awsten leans in and hugs his friend again, holding him as tight as he can, kissing him gently on his cheek. geoff hugs him and places on hand on the small of his back, pulling him in closer and onto his lap. "i'm gonna go lay down, alright?" geoff asks. awsten glances at a clock on the table and the red letters say two twelve.

"where did the time go?" awsten laughs, and wraps his arms around geoff's neck, hugging him one more time before scooting off of his lap. "i'll be in here, okay? do you mind if i keep the television on?" he asks, motioning to the tv, which is playing reruns of law and order. 

geoff shakes his head, "don't mind it at all. i'm right in there if you need me, okay? don't hesitate." 

awsten nods and geoff leans down, kissing his forehead. awsten can't tell if it was friendly or romantic or reassuring, but he blushes anyway and mutters, "goodnight."

"goodnight, doll."