the dark you fear in the night // gawsten

eleven

trigger warnings: abuse described in dream (not from a parent) and sense of betrayal/abandonment kind of

that night, after passing out at about six sixteen, awsten has a nightmare. it's not one of the normal ones he has about his father, though. this one is different.

this one is scary because it fucks with his mind and reminds him of his past, like the ones with his father. but, it's not about the 'normal' dreams. his father isn't hitting him, demons aren't surrounding him, he isn't being touched all over by people he can't see or doesn't know, he's not being forced to watch his loved ones die.

he's watching his loved ones leave him, specifically geoff.

he sees geoff, the man who has always been there for him, the man who has always been able to make awsten smile on his darkest days, walk out on him. he hears geoff, the man who constantly tells awsten that he's okay, the man who constantly tells awsten that he's not annoying and that he's worth love, tell him that he's absolutely worthless and disgusting.

he feels geoff, the man who's touches have been nothing but loving and soft, the man who's held awsten until he's stopped crying and shaking, hit him with all of the rage and fury he's ever seen in someone.

he was cowered in a corner as geoff spit venom at him, yelling at him about all of his insecurities and personal fears. like his father in the demon dream, his eyes are white and lifeless, staring straight through him. 

the room is dark and cold and completely contrasts with his eyes, making them stand out more and making them more fear inducing to awsten. 

he's being hit now. slapped around and punched and thrown around like a rag doll. his body feels numb in his dream and his outer body is twitching, thrashing in his bed. 

he feels like the air is knocked out of him with every little touch. the hands that were so gentle and kind with everything that they did were now a weapon. the eyes that were so beautiful and full of wonder were now lifeless and almost none existent. the tongue that constantly told you how lovely you were and how much he loved you were now like a knife, stabbing into you with every word uttered. 

with being spat on, geoff disappears from awsten's dream and awsten wakes up in a cold sweat. 

his hair is plastered to his face, he feels like he's done something wrong. he feels like this is somehow his fault. he wipes the forming tears from his eyes and looks down at his shaking hands, then at the alarm clock next to him. it's seven twenty four am. geoff might be awake. 

he can't text him just because of how badly he's shaking, and he'll barely be able to call him because of how hard he's crying now and how big the lump in his throat is. but, he has to tell him about the dream, or it'll just bottle up inside him and he'll be afraid to see his best friend again. 

he grabs his phone with a shaky left hand and dials geoff's number quickly. he presses the phone to his ear, wiping the sweat from his forehead and listening to it ring. geoff would just be getting up now. it was a wednesday, and he went in at eight thirty instead of ten on wednesdays. 

"good morning," geoff answers, his voice cheery and excited to hear from awsten. the sound of his voice only makes awsten cry a little more. geoff's face falls and he leaves the room to hear awsten better, "love, what's wrong? do you need me to come over?"

awsten is silent for a few seconds, before whimpering out through sobs, "p-please tell me you'll nev-er dr-drop me like i'm no-nothing, and that i've never matter-mattered to you..." 

geoff is taken aback a bit. he never plans to leave awsten ever. awsten's been there for him through thick and thin, through everything good in his life and everything bad. "awsten, what's wrong," he asks sternly. he knows it's a dream, a really bad one at that, but he doesn't know just how serious it is.

"g-geoff, ple-please..."

geoff listens to how desperate awsten's voice is. he sounds like just even breathing through the phone could shatter him completely. geoff tells him in a heartbeat, "i promise you on everything that i love i'm never going to just walk out on you."

awsten's breathing calms a little bit, but the tears are flowing just as fast and just as hard as before. geoff's soft voice comes through the phone, completely different than the tone used in the dream, and he asks, "do you need me to come over?"

"no, no, no, no, go to work, please. i don't want to keep you. please, go to work," awsten pleads with him. he didn't want to explain the dream to geoff right now, not right after having it. 

geoff sighs, "okay, but after my shift, you're gonna spend the night at my place so i can keep an eye on you. is that alright?"

awsten nods and wipes his eyes, "yeah, yeah, it's fine, i'm sorry."

"stop apologizing, you really don't have to. i know you don't believe that you don't have to apologize to me, but believe me, i promise you that it's okay. you're fine and i'm here and nothing is going to change that."

that made awsten cry harder and he whispered, "thank you," repeatedly. 

"you're welcome, doll, i'm gonna go to work, okay? please be safe and try to take care of yourself. if you feel unsafe by yourself for even a minute, you are to call me immediately and i will come right back and get you. okay? i care about you too much for you to feel like this," geoff explained as he pulled on his peacoat and grabbed his car keys off his dresser.  

"yeah, fuck, thank you," awsten whispered, his body beginning to calm down at geoff's kind words. 

"alright, i'll see you after work, love you," geoff hangs up his cell phone and tucks it away in his coat pocket.