Chapter 5
Kimberley's POV
Lola had fallen asleep in my arms on the way back from Nicola's and two hours later she's still asleep curled up on the sofa. I've been sat opposite watching her for twenty minutes now. It's hard to believe she misses out on 'normal' things like a dad. You'd never know, she's still happy and giggly like any other child her age. I guess you can't miss something you've never had. I dread the day she asks why she doesn't have a dad. It's inevitable that it will happen, probably when she starts school and see's the other children with their dads or hears them talking about them. I mean you can't simply tell a child her father wants nothing to do with her.
I hold the phone to my ear with a shaky hand. "Hello?" "Hey Matt, it's Kimberley." "I didn't know I gave you my number." He replies casually. "You didn't, I found it on facebook." I reply quietly. "Look Kimberley, you were fun but i'm not into lesbians." He says with a laugh. "I'm pregnant." I blurt out. "What?" The humour suddenly non-existent in his voice. "I'm pregnant." I whisper. "Well-"
"Mummy." Lola says sleepily. "Hey sleep head." I say with a smile. She smiles back at me wearily as she holds her arms out towards me. "What's up?" I ask her as I sweep her up into my arms. "I want to sit with you mummy." She replies sleepily. I kiss her forehead before sitting back in my position on the sofa. She quickly gets comfortable, resting her head on my shoulder and slumping her body against mine. As I run my fingers through her blonde locks she relaxes and her body seems to instantly become heavier. As I watch Lola fall asleep in my arms and begin to think about what she means to me, how precious she is to me my self-hatred begins to bubble. The hatred of myself stemming from a time I had resented the little girl in my arms. Don't get me wrong, the second I laid eyes on her when she was a few seconds old it all melted away but there had been a time, when she was merely a tiny bump protruding from my body that I had hated her. As a mother, that makes me a terrible person. I'm drawn from my thoughts as my phone buzzes in my pocket. I awkwardly manoeuvre my arm around Lola and eventually grab it. I see that I have a text from Cheryl. Somewhat too eagerly I open up the text.
* Hey Kimberley Thanks for having me, I had a brilliant time! Like I said, we'll do it again soon X *
With those few simple words I feel my defences drop slightly. The top layer of bricks in the walls begin to crash towards the floor. This, is dangerous territory.
I blink my eyes wearily as I feel Lola fidget on my knee. I quickly rub my eyes and peer down to see Lola blinking up at me. "Your phone was ringing mummy." She says before resting her head on my shoulder once more. I feel around until I eventually grasp my phone. I groggily look at the screen and see a missed call from Cheryl. I hit call-back almost instantly, like i'm in auto-pilot mode. The phone rings a couple of times before her voice sounds down the phone. "Hey, Kimberley?" "Hey. Did you want me?" "Yeah, did I leave my jacket there last night?" She asks. I glance around the room and see her leather jacket thrown over the back of the sofa. "Yeah, it's here." I reply. "Thank god for that! I thought i'd lost it." She says rather dramatically. "Do you mind if I pop round in about an hour and get it?" She asks. "Ermm." I glance down at Lola who's staring at me, interested in my conversation, as always. "Sure, pop round." I answer hesitantly. "Great, thanks. See you later Kimberley." I place the phone down beside me as I think about what i've just agreed to. I'm letting Cheryl come round when Lola's here. Too soon. "Is auntie Nicola coming round?" Lola asks excitedly bouncing up and down on my knee. "No babe, mummy's friend Cheryl's coming." I reply. "Who's Cheryl?" She asks as she tilts her head to one side. "Mummy's friend. You'll like her." I say with a smile.
I'm cooking Lola's tea when I hear a knock resound through the house. I quickly hurry through to the living room and see Lola occupied by her toy phone. I head for the door and open it to be greeted by a smile from Cheryl. "Hey." "Hey Kimberley, how are you?" "Raging headache, yourself?" I notice Cheryl's attention has been drawn downwards. I follow her eyes and see Lola stood with her arms wrapped around my leg. She's peering up at Cheryl from behind my leg. I watch as Cheryl drops down to Lola's level and flashes her a smile. "Hello, you must be Lola." Lola nods shyly as she retreats further behind my leg. "You're Cheryl." Lola whispers as she holds Cheryl's eye contact. "I am." Cheryl replies as she smiles up at me. Lola looks up at me and puts her arms out signalling she wants to be picked up. I quickly bend down and gather her in my arms. As I do Cheryl stands up. "Do you want to come in for a drink?" I ask her. "I'd love too." She smiles.
