With Fragile Promises (Doctor Who Fanfiction)

Chapter Three: What Matters

Chapter Three: What Matters

  It was safe to say, after three more nights full of bad dreams for Clara, that the Doctor was ready to put down some ground rules.

  Clara, under no circumstances, was to sleep on her own. And, since he was the only other person aboard the TARDIS, the Doctor was taking it upon himself to keep her company.

  Every night since Trenzalore, Clara would wake up in a state; crying, shaking, and on particularly bad occasions, screaming. The Doctor would stay in the corridor outside her room, just waiting for it, and each time his suspicions were proven to be correct, his heart shattered a little more. It soon became apparent that the only way Clara could get a peaceful night’s sleep was for the Doctor to stay with her and keep her emotions under control.

  He just wasn’t sure how he was going to mention all this to her without getting ridiculously embarrassed and, in some way, offending her. That was the stressful part.

  So, a few days later, when he noticed dark purple circles under Clara’s eyes and a yawn appearing at her lips, he threw down his cleaning cloth and took a stand. A slightly voice-shaking, hand-flailing stand but a stand all the same.

  “This can’t go on anymore Clara!” he barked, a little more forcefully than originally intended. “I’ve had enough! You heard me, I’ve had enough!”

  Clara jumped at his tone as she sat on the TARDIS chair in the console room. Her eyes gradually widened in realisation and her mouth slowly gaped at him. “You’ve – you’ve had enough?” she echoed.

  “Yes!” he said, a little unsure this time. “Some things have to change around here. We can’t go on like this.”

  Straightening up, Clara frowned. Her head moved side to side, wearily catching on to what the Doctor was implying. She didn’t know what to say. She thought back to the last few days in the TARDIS – the wonderful day at Cascavia, the sleepless, terror-filled nights, and her constant depression when he wasn’t trying to cheer her up. Of course, she completely understood where he was coming from. This was his TARDIS, after all. He could do what he liked. Still, the deep, hollow pain in her chest at the very thought of it, didn’t make her like the idea.

  “Of course,” Clara said, resigned. “I understand what you mean.”

  “I can’t let you – what?” he asked, his thoughts flung from his mind. “You understand?”

  She nodded, now staring at the floor. “Yeah, yeah, I do. We can’t go on like this; it’s not fair on you.”

  The Doctor stopped, puzzled. He leaned against the console and rethought over her words. Once again she was focusing on him, like it was some big chore for him to look after her, even when it was his fault she risked her life in the first place. This was easier than he originally thought it was going to be, Clara picked up on what he wanted to say rather quickly. Maybe she was having similar thoughts herself. Somehow that made him glow inside.

  “And you – you agree? You don’t mind?”

  Clara looked up at him. Her eyes were dull and hurt, but she put on a good show at hiding it. The Doctor could see through her, however. Clara was almost as good as him at the whole ‘I’m completely fine’ act. Only someone who has seen and experienced great sadness can master it, something the Doctor doesn’t want to overly think about when it comes to Clara. Seeing her like this everyday destroys him.

  “It’s up to you. If you don’t want me here –”

  “What?”

  “Then I can’t stop you, it’s your TARDIS.” She laughed in spite of herself, but it came out more of cry for help. “Why would you still want me here? I keep you awake all night, my mind is scattered over a thousand different places and sometimes I struggle to remember who I am.”