Crushed Heart { On Radish}#freeyourshots #youngadult #wattys2019 #wattyspromo}

SCENE 4

BEFORE 83 DAYS

Alaska bit her lips nervously, her heart beats echoing through her ears, and she felt time slow down. She hated this feeling--- she wanted to love her mother, she even tried to look past her mistakes and searched for the small moments and turned them into a happy memory. She wanted to look up to her mother, remember her lovely smile, or even her bad cook; she didn't want to remember her moans, or the sound of her cacophonous laughter.

She started whispering calming words to herself, a habit she was used to when she couldn't find someone by her side. Alaska held the locked closely toward her chest, imagining Cameron right by her side, murmuring her favourite words and kissing her on her forehead. Damn you, Cameron, Alaska thought, damn you to hell and back.

Moments later, Alaska slowly tiptoed toward the living room where her mother probably was.

"Baby girl, I hate seeing your tears. It breaks my heart." Cameron whispered, absently rubbing the pad of his thumb over her cheek as he slipped his other hand around her waist and pulled her into his arms holding her tightly against him.

"I hate the way she treats me, Cameron. I want her to love me, treat me like a normal mother. She makes me want to prefer death over this sometimes." Alaska whispered back,
his heart jolted at the sight of her tears, slowly trailing down her cheeks.

Cameron tugged a finger under her chin and slowly raised her head so he could see her prepossessing face. Her eyelashes glistened with moisture; he slowly leaned, his warm lips pressed against the soft area behind her ear.

"I love you, baby girl." His tone was lowered into a whisper, tucking a stray strand of light brown hair behind her ear. Her eyes were closed as a small smile played on her lips.

"Where the hell do you think you are going, Alaska?" Her mother's sharp tone broke her imagination, causing her to gasp a little.

"Can you continue fvcking your little buddies and not poke your nose into my business," Alaska spat, followed by a gasp coming from her mother. This wasn't going to end in a good way. She had treated her mother with nothing but respect and love, but right now, she was seeing red.

"How dare you! Your brother and father both left you. I was the only one left to take care of you and you treat me with such.... disrespect? You would have been nothing without me, you hear me? Nothing!" Daire said, shaking her head with disappointment. "You would have been homeless, or better yet an orphan."

"And you're insulting me?" Her mother continued, purposely hurting her by her vituperative words." You're just like me, a whore. Do you think people living in this hell hole like you? They think of you as the slut's daughter. They gossip about you. Despise you. They make fun of you. I'm the only one who cares about you, my lovely daughter. You're just like me."

Oddly enough, it felt like a tight vice had wrapped its cords around her heart. She felt numb, her body felt like it was drowning; the locket around her neck now felt like two suffocating hands wrapped tightly around her neck.

Alaska shook her head and defended weakly in a mere whisper,"I'm nothing like you. I'm nothing like you." She repeated over and over, her mother's words clouded her vision." "I'm nothing like you."

Her mother gave her a small smile; inching closer toward her, her thumb slowly caressing her cheek. "You're just like me, Alaska. Just like me."

She shuddered in disgust and grabbed her mother's hand and pushed it away from her face, feeling a sense of strong dislike toward her mother. Her mother's words echoed through her ears. No. No. No. No. I'm better than her, please tell me I'm better than her. If it weren't for her hurtful words, I would have ignored her flaws. Her absence. Her alcoholism. Her moans. Her harsh sound. Her hatred. And even her little buddies.

Alaska wasn't the type to give up, or the type that anguished over her own gloominess. However, her mother absolutely loved to hurt her daughter's feelings. She loved to remind her of her flaws, her insecurities, and her lack of sociability. With a sarcastic smile, she'd ask about her friends. With eyes filled of bitterness, she'd comment on her body, muttering words along with 'disgusting'.

It was not a suprising fact that Alaska was a result of a night stand. Due to Daire's over drunkeness one night, she'd ended up with a drug addict ---Alaska's father. Her father wanted nothing to do with Alaska; he felt disgusted by the simple though of having an illegitimate child. And he believed he was too young to start a family, so he did the most idiotic thing in his life: let go. With his addiction to drugs, he could barely buy food to eat let alone raise a whole family.

Before Alaska was born, Daire already had a child from her ex boyfriend. With the immortal memories of their childhood, they grew up and shared their moments together, but he betrayed her. He broke his promise to always stay by her side. He just left a note claiming he wants to achieve his dreams, and by doing so, he was ruining her.

To sum it up, Hayes' role in her life was more than just a stepbrother. He played the mother's and father's role when their mother was too blinded by her selfish desires to even glance at her own children. Before Cameron, was her big brother, Hayes. And after Hayes, was her ex boyfriend, Cameron. And after Cameron, there's no one.

Alaska snapped out of her own thoughts and glanced at her mother.

Her mother believed she was still a young beauteous and irresistible woman. Her eyes were of a dark violet rimmed with black. Her face was smeared in a thick layer of golden makeup and the thin line serving her as lips were fulled by red lipstick jutting out.

She shook her head and muttered 'I'm going.'

I'm sorry, mum.

Little did she know the only thought that will be build onto her clouds of imagination is regretfulness.

What do you think will happen next? Comment your thoughts!

Have you ever been in Alaska's place? And what have you done?

Dedicated to the beautiful @yoursassyqueen