Broken Soul • book one (complete)

•29•Nikki•

Every funeral I've attended,  felt as though it dragged on for hours.

But this one passed by so quickly.

I hardly remember any of it.

I remember my mother, my brother and his wife with their new born baby girl, Daniel, John and I sitting on the first row of the church, all wearing the same expressions on our faces.

Mom couldn't look up the entire service, and though I knew it hurt me more than any pain imaginable, I knew it only hurt her more. I lost a sister, she lost a child.

John sat between me and Daniel, holding my hand tightly as the service went on.

There wasn't a word to describe how Daniel looked, so I knew there also wasn't one to describe how he felt either.

Family, friends, and co-workers all gather for the service. There being so many people a lot had to stand, others had to wait in the hallway.

The entire women's roster was here. All of them having had a special relationship with my sister.

The entire roster itself was here in support. Even icons and legends such as Sting, Bret Hart, Lita, Trish, and Ric Flair showed their faces in support for my family.

But I meant nothing.

It's a bitchy thing I say, but did them being here give my sister life? A new breath?

No. Nothing would.

And it hurt cause that's all I wanted.

I honestly don't know how I'm sane right now.

I always said that if Brie died, I died. We were a team, and as sad as it sounds, that's how I wanted it.

So why am I still here?

It's funny because I actually know the answer to that.

Dean, who wasn't here... he gave me... something to take my mind off away from here. Away from this. Away from everything, without taking my own life away.

Why couldn't John do that...

Here I was comparing them again... but I weighed my options differently.

John had been helping Daniel, and I loved that, but he hadn't been helping me, and that's what I needed.

But Dean had.

He let me sleep on him, let me yell at him, the world. He let me use him as a personal tissue last night.

Hell, Dean was there to comfort me the day Brie passed while John was.... I don't know, maybe with Daniel again.

I really did love that John was helping Daniel. He was being an excellent friend to him and I admired that.

But I'm not Daniel.

I was hurting too. A lot.

Why couldn't he be there for me?

I don't think that's being selfish... I think that's wanting to be comforted.

I now sat in the large waiting room of a expensive house, everyone communing around me as I sat in a chair in the corner of the room.

Usually after funerals, love-ones gather at the house of someone in the family and talk, catch up on each other lives, and eat.

But my home was in Florida and we were currently in Seattle, Washington, so that obviously wasn't going to work. So we had decided to rent out a house for a few hours.