Virgin [sʜᴀᴍᴇʀᴏɴ]

XI

Now that he's gone, my heart is missing something, so it's time I pushed my pride away.

Ariana Grande

     Shawn would admit it; Aaron had inspired him. Becky had inspired him. He remembered her words with clarity, how those judgmental church-folk were essentially wrong, how he was technically free to love as he pleased. And if he was being honest, he had known it all along, just hadn't ever truly expected such grace from an ecclesiastic like Becky.

And since he was being so honest, he'd admit that Becky's acceptance of Aaron had done more than warm his heart, and inspire him; it made him think of his circumstances in a very similar way. Maybe his parents would exhibit the same openness, and accept him, despite their faiths.

The outside weather was crisp. His favourite time of year admittedly. Though, he had considered that fact that his birthday was nearing, and his beloved had not made his return. Had not called, maybe hadn't thought of him at all; maybe (he considered) even hadn't loved him like he'd said he did.

He had to constantly remind himself not to think of things in that way though, he was blossoming into a new being that would be able to give Cameron what he needed. He had to congratulate himself to an extent, he had come clean, and unveiled revelations that he hadn't known to have been hiding away.

He thought about it often; how differently things would have been if he'd never told Cameron of his infidelity to their relationship. He decided though, that things were better in the present moment, even if Cameron wasn't keeping him warm. Even if Cameron wasn't atop him, teaching him to speak his name.

     He'd admit it, not only on the account that everyone could see it, but he did miss Cameron. And he waited on him daily, regretting his decisions only a little, but thanking them for perfecting him in the grand scheme of things.

     Shawn looked forward to dinner as well. Yes, he was nervous; steaming with trepidation, but he was ready to set his final truths free.

     Karen had prepared the beans the day before; finally draining them at lunch time, having rolled out her own tortillas the very day. She'd done everything in the traditional sense, hoping to sate her husband who had been missing the familiarity of his Iberian childhood.

     Shawn considered it to have been perfect timing. If there was anything that God did, — he believed — it was bring one what they needed when the time was right. He suspected that the time was right; everyone fixed with positive attitudes due to Karen's homemade cuisine.

     Shawn opted to help set the table; Karen wouldn't let him cook, not after he'd burned the rice last time. She was still wary after that, even going as far as having Aaliyah monitor his kitchen escapades.

     Shawn had seen Father Magnus as of late; ran into Amerigo as well, but he hadn't thought much of it, other than the fact that Cameron wouldn't have wanted him around the lad alone.

     His birthday was nearing; the party that he had waited on all year long. There was a large part of him that wanted to continue on being sad, nope because Cameron had yet to come back, but there was another part of him — more sparse than the purity within Satan himself — that wanted to be happy again. He wanted to be happy, after being down for what had seemed forever.

     In turn, there was an even smaller part of him that figured he'd deserved it, and yet and even later part telling him the opposite; not after what he'd done to Cameron, not after the trust that he had betrayed.