Skinny Lovers

Visiting Mom

I couldn’t breathe. I felt my chest rise in and fall in a rapid pace. Just the mention of his name made goose bumps form to the surface of my flesh.

“Sam,” Xander said. “did hear me. I said it’s Liam.”

I let out a huff of air. “Yes Xander I heard you.” I walked over taking the phone from his hands. “I just chose to ignore it.” I finished while putting the phone back on the base. I was in no mood to deal with this. Especially after the way he ended it. Ended us.  I felt a knot growing in my throat.

I suddenly didn’t feel so hungry any more. I put my plate away and headed for the stairs. “I um…I’m gonna go uh…out.”

“You okay Sammy?” Dad asked. I nodded my head “You sure this has nothing to do about what’s going on between you and Liam?”

“Yeah Dad. I just have um…cramps. Yup, gonna go get  some Advil.”  He wasn’t buying my excuse at all, but before he could ask any more questions, I grabbed my stomach and bent over as if I was in excruciating pain. “Ow, ow, ow.” I faked, “you know dad I should be really going now before it gets any worse.”  Dad and Xander exchange a suspicious look before eyeing me again. I have to get outta here. Images of Liam are filling my mind and I can’t hold myself together for much longer. “Oh my…uh there getting bad. I’ll see you guys later. Gotta get the cure.” I say before slipping out the door.

As soon as my feet make contact with the concrete, I bolt down the street to the only place I’d feel calm and collected…with Mom.

I sprinted the two and a half miles it took to reach my destination. I used to run track in high school, so in a matter of seven to ten minutes.

Once I got there I sat down on my butt, taking in the scenery. The green grass, chirping birds. The blue sky layered with soft fluffy clouds. I’ve always been fascinated about them. They just look like living up there would make some of the troubles in the world go away. Maybe then I’d be truly happy. Maybe a little ate least. I’d have Liam here with me. Mom to give me advice like before. 

I glance at the marble stone and read the in scripted words.

Clara Annie Austin

December 16th 1968-June 6th 2009

We didn’t have any words engraved on the stone. And to be honest, I’m  really glad that we didn’t. There’s just not enough words that could measure up to the summing up of her life that she deserves.

“Hi Mom.” I squeaked. Apparently the knot in my throat was still there. I forced back the tears that threatened to spill over my eyelids. “I know…that I haven’t been able to visit,” I chew on my bottom lip, “I-I just really needed you…y’know.” I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I began making those weird choking noises you do when you cry. I pulled my legs up to my chest and leaned my head on my knees.

“Liam called. I didn’t talk to him though. I didn’t have the strength to.”

Liam. Oh how I loved him with every ounce of my being.

I miss his warm brown eyes. His feathery eyelashes and porcelain skin that an infant would strive for. His perfect plump pink lips that covered up those pearly white teeth. And-wait what am I doing I hate him. I hate what he did to me. He’s a basturd and deserves to get his ass beat.

It was then that I noticed how angry I’d been with him. I’ve just been too distracted with Dad and Xander and coming home that I didn’t even realize the pain I felt. The rage started to build within me and I could take it anymore. People say life isn’t easy. Well guess what? It’s more than that. It’s…really fucked up. I wish my Mom was here to hold me in her arms and tell me everything would be oaky.

“I’ve really hated myself for the past couple of weeks Mom. Every thing’s hard now. Ever since you left it has been.” Ugh! Now I’m enraged. She should be here…with me.

“Why! Why did you leave me. You left me to face this evil world without a mother to guide my ways! Did you even think of how this would have affected me and Dad!” The tears stared rolling down my cheeks now but I didn’t care.

“You took apart of us away when you left.” The last part barely came out as a whisper.

I honestly wasn’t mad at her at all. She couldn’t control the cancer. I was just mad for not being able to be strong enough or hold up well enough on my own without her here.

“I’m sorry Mom. It’s not your fault. I just really miss you.” I got off the ground wiping of my pants. “I’ll come back tomorrow Mom. Maybe I’ll bring Dad. I know he misses you as much as I do.”

I make my way out of the grave yard and back home. On the way I take out my phone and glance at the screen thinking.

About Liam.

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