Bittersweet Denial

Chapter 1

It's sad when heartbreak after heartbreak you find something. Someone. Someone who is on your mind all day long and for once you're actually on theirs.... You see it, they see it. They say it, you feel it.

All of these shared feelings and thoughts but you know in your heart that even though you are perfect for each other they'll never truly be yours. So you suck it up and hold it in, don't show your feelings and let go because giving up is the right thing to do.

Maybe he could be your forever but you throw that idea away with the rest of your hopeless dreams because there's one thing in the way. As usual. One thing wrong and it throws everything off, so you stop hoping for that happy ending because that only happens in fairy tales.

Guess what ? Fairy tales are just that. Fairy tales. Far from the truth with unrealistic happiness stretched across all the pretty words that turn ugly the second you realize you can never live up to them.

Wow... I even surprised myself that time. I don't usually think so gruesome and raw. My thoughts aren't exactly rainbows and lollipops or anything, but they're usually more light on my soul and much less formatted. That one hit deep.

I've got to play some music or something if that's what an hour in silence does to my mind. At this point not even the art I'm working on can shut my brain up about the subject.

It's kind of pathetic if you think about it. Im sitting here being slightly less than productive as i scrawl across the thin singular piece of paper, heart and mind on one thing. Wallowing in the internal torture of letting go of a guy i knew i couldn't have from the start.

I don't know what i expected. Was he gonna - wait i literally got to that subject with "if you think about it..." but that's the last thing i want to do. It's also the only thing I've been doing, even more pathetic. I say I'm fine so there's no reason to talk about it, try to get my mind off of it but i always end up in the same place.

Music. I need music.
Something - Coldplay, Green day, something, i don't know, a fire alarm would be better than the bitter muted air of my dad's basement. Its huge, yet dank. The only reason i can stand to be in here is because the plain chalky white walls help me concentrate and put all of my creativity onto the canvas in front of me.

Just before i turn on the single cracked screen of my phone it blinks on with a "sensitive notification". I type in my meaningless four number password to a text from Sienna.

"Rhea, I came to your window and you weren't in your room. @ the front door now. Let me in."

She's such a dork i think as i shove the pencil and draft sketch into the tattered old desk my dad found at a garage sale years back. My legs take awhile to adjust into my sprint up the steps from sitting in that old stool for so long.

Before I'm even to the door her lazy gaze catches me through the glass panels on the side of the door. A sight I'm very well used to after six years of friendship with her. Taking a slight glance at my phone before sliding it into the pockets of my ratty old jeans and unlocking the door for her to slide in, I check the time.

"Wow, Sienna. 6:34pm yet you still come to my bedroom window like we're sneaking out. This is an all time low for you!", I say with a sarcastic grin. She gives me a knowing nod and crosses her arms. "Six years of me coming to your window, you should be used to it by now. It means adventure awaits in case you forgot." She explains once again in her barely there Spanish accent.