I'm So Going to Regret This...

Another Heartbreak

Hey, guys. Sorry it's been so long. This year...it's been difficult. I'll be honest and tell you that I'm going through a lot of shit right now, and it's a lot more than I'd like to admit. Let me give you a quick summary: I hate high school, band is killing me but I still love it, and my heart just broke about an hour ago.

I'm not going to explain any of these into too much detail, especially the last one. And yes, I know this sounds like stereotypical shit that a lot of people feel they go through, but it still hurts. It hurts like a motherfucker.

Also, let me explain something that I feel should be known. First of all, I should say this: I'm detached. This means that I'm not really one to show affection or my love for the people I care about. This means that I can also shut someone out of my heart in a moment's notice. I've been hurt so any times and have had people that I care about leave my life that I know how to make it so I don't care as much. Believe me when I say that I hate doing that. Shutting people out...it's a really bad habit. It's made me lose my ability to trust. I also have very few people that I consider to be "close" to. People have commented before on how I'm like this, on how I don't love enough. But guys, my problem isn't loving enough. It's loving too much. I care about a lot of people, although I do only consider a select few to be close to me, as I said before. It fucking sucks though. I care so fucking much about people, but I take the time with them for granted. I don't get to show them how much they mean to me before they leave. I don't even realize that I'm like that most of the time.

I'm writing this at about 1:45 in the morning because I can't sleep, and I really don't want to. The writing sucks, as it usually does. Sorry about that, guys. Anyways, if you're going to read this post at all, please at least let it be this last paragraph. Learn from my mistakes, please. Show people you care for them when they're around. Tell them you love them. Show affection. Don't leave your feelings bottled up inside for others to guess; show the world your fucking emotions. Don't build too many walls, because it'll end up hurting more than it will helping. Lastly, don't take your time with others for granted, because it's possible you might lose them overnight. Bye guys, I'll try to update more soon, whether it be stories or another addition to this blog.