Red's Book Of Random

!IMPORTANT!

Hey Peeps!

For the people reading this I thank you for taking the time to well read this small chapter or whatever people call it.

As some of you know I have an illness called C.F.S or other known as M.E and well I went to the doctors today about a small new problem I have and well....

They think I may have Schizophrenia.

I am fucked up, and I apologise.

Schizophrenia runs in my family I found out. My Aunt had it and so did another aunt that committed suicide because of it. My great uncle and his father had it also.

Now not everyone knows what Schizophrenia really is. A small sum up that I could give is hearing voices in your head that are not real, they tell you rarely anything good. Most of the time it's dark and depressing and very bad voices going through your head. These voices could also sound like the people you know making you think the people you trusted and loved don't really care about you and when you get upset with them well they don't always understand you have this mental illness.

This also comes with seeing things as I see a creepy small woman who calls herself Pansie. Many people see other people sometimes it's animals or even loved ones they see and think are talking to them. 

There is another part of Schizophrenia that makes you paranoid and I mean VERY paranoid like I am. I don't like taking the bus or a taxi. I can't trust people all that well and I sometimes feel as if I can't trust the people around me.

For gods sake I sleep with a knife under my bloody pillow.

But I am to have a test to see how my mental state is and well with Schizophrenia comes depression and the feeling of everyone hating you and that you are a failure. With this comes my slow updates on some books. 

Some of you may have noticed it takes me longer to update some books than others and well it is linked to the Schizophrenia. with this, or whatever is going on in my mind right now I can't fully think straight. I struggle to do good grammar or spelling as it was but now will be very worse. Some you noticed that in my 'Dragon Master' book that I was struggling.

But I do hope some you can understand and I would like to offer something up. If any of you have bad thoughts, think you hear or see things or just feel down or want to talk to someone I want to be there. I already run a small group with my friends who also have problems or illnesses.

I will well if any of you want to chat through just inboxing my wattpad or joining my Discord chat to where we can speak over mics and hear each others voices that is fine also. I don't mind people joining. You could make friends but I warn if you do wish to join the discord some people are well they are a little rude but they mean it in a joking way as well we all have dark humour and many are very dirty minded.

Anyway's I will be soon offering my discord channel up to you guys and well if you want to join and have a chat that is great I welcome that. If you need someone to talk to I want to be there as I know how much that can help.

I hope you all understand and well look out for me putting up a discord link in the future ;)

~Red