Best Friends?

Chapter 16

   It's fine its fine its fine.

   My brain throws concerns through my thoughts, heavy and uncertain. I have to tell Dan soon.

   Things are falling apart, and if they aren't for everybody, soon it will be. I don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt Dan, he's been so happy with Greene lately. He brought him home two days ago and they looked so joyful watching old movies on the couch, I can't shatter his peace. But I have to say something before it's too late.

   I sat at the dining table, all alone in the apartment for two. My fingers tap on the table, deciding whether I should wait, or do it soon.

A vibration against wood stirs me out of my thoughts and my hand's dart for my phone. Picking it up and reading my girlfriends' Caller Id, I answer.

"Hey!" I happily (yet secretly stressfully) chimed through the phone's speaker.

"Hello, Phil! Have you talked to Dan yet?" Marge asked.

A moment passed before I answered her, "no, I actually haven't. I have been meaning to, I just don't know how to tell him," my voice comes out more concerned than I had planned.

"I don't mean to stress our relationship or your relationship with Dan, don't feel pressured." Marge eased.

Sighing as I start to pace, I tell Marge I will call her back later and end the call. My hands fretfully grasp my face as if I could send my worries out from my brain through my elbows and be whisked away by an open windows breeze.

   At the front door I hear a knock, and then a click of the lock and a moment later Dan walks passed me and looks in the fridge after putting his bag down. 

   "Where have you been?" I try to ask nonchalantly as Dan sets guacamole on the table.

   A slight smile twinged on Dan's lips as he begins to tell me he was out with Greene. I can see in his eyes the way he talks about how well their lunch went that Dan is really comfortable about Greene. The dark brown in Dans' eyes almost turns to hazel as he speaks of the one he cares about. Accidentally spacing out as Dan mumbles on about the dinner I picture what his possible reaction could be to what I am going to say next.

  When Dan finishes his story about Greene also been left-handed, I clear my throat, "hey, Dan?" 

   "Yeah?" Dan looks at me with questionable uncertainty.

   "Well, I know it's kind of sudden, and that it's pretty unexpected, but I have something I need to tell you that you need to know." I say with my eyes at my hands, "and you can tell me anything you have to on how you feel. Me and Marge- Marge and I, we are planning on moving out together."

   Silence. My breathing hitched in my throat as I waited for a response. When my eyes finally travel upward, towards Dans, I can see the hazel specks are gone, he is staring right into me, my soul, and I can physically feel his bemusement sink into my skin. He smiles, shifting his hands nervously, "really?"

   "Yes."

"Well, I guess I have to just live on the street? What do you mean you're moving?" Dan stands up, obvious anger flickering in his eyes.

   My mouth opens, but I feel nothing come out of it. I don't know what to say. He stares at me, his eyes showing signs of resentment.

   "What am I supposed to do, Phil?"

  All my shaking voice could muster was a weak "I don't know." before another comment from Dan.

   "Do you think you can just leave me here? How many years have we been living together? How much do you think I can handle Phil? Is it because of Greene that you think I could just ask him to share his tiny apartment so you and Margaret can share our apartment?" his questions fly like arrows and pierce like daggers.

   "Really, Phil." his voice drifting off, his anger becoming confusion once again.

   I look at him, his eyes red, his lip quivering, arms crossed. I could tell the only reason he was acting this way was that of attachment. So many years...

   Dan shakes his head, "no, no. I'm sorry. Forget it. I'm happy for you guys." 

   And with that Dan ran a semi-frustrated hand through his hair and walked to his room. My mind felt like tar, an oozing black tar that wouldn't be easy to clean up. How am I supposed to deal with the fact Dan will be by himself? How will this work?

   A couple minutes of silence drifted around me before it was interrupted by my phone vibrating once again, with a text from Marge across the screen, 'there's a bigger apartment more north of the one you're in now, and it's close to the hospital where my internship is' with a link to the website. Yet I can't look at this now, my brain was focused on something else.

   Maybe Dan is right, this is crazy. But  I really love Marge- she's one of my biggest relationships. I feel I can say anything to her and she accepts it and always has a fair opinion. I feel light when I'm with her, my heart feels like it's bouncing. Her eyes- they are so deep, and sparkle whenever she laughs. It's so great, everything is.

   I get up and move to my room, in which is the place I stay for hours, in clothes I wore throughout the day is the clothing I sleep in as well. Restlessness grasping my heart and muscles I finally reach over to my right, where both my glasses and my phone sit on my nightstand.

   It takes a couple rings but finally, she picks up. Her smooth voice gracing my ears, the one that brought my mind joy.

   "Hey," I say, my voice tired, "I know you're off tonight, let's go somewhere."