Thoughts of An Average Girl Who Can't Draw

December 31st, 2016

thought one: me.

It kind of pisses me off that I can't draw. Like I try, but even stick figures suck. 

But it's not really the drawing part that pisses me off. It's the fact that I literally cannot do anything special. And if you can't do anything special with your life, then what are you? Average. You are just average. 

And I guess I'd be okay with being average, if that was okay with my parents. 

Which makes me wonder.... Does anyone else have parents who push you to a point of mental break? Like, when you were younger everything was just easy and stuff but then you hit about 8th grade, and all of a sudden you are just.... Average? And then your parents are so disappointed and pissed at you because you just aren't excelling at anything? And you try to study to do better, but  it's like too late?

That's me. Every. Fucking. Day.

And so here I sit, an average girl, with average grades, and parents who can't understand that I am drowning in my failures.

I should have known though. Even puberty decided that I was going to look average. 

Not too tall, brown hair, not too thin but not too heavy either, blue eyes, no acne to speak of except every once a month... Average.

And it never used to bother me much, until this year. My junior year.

I've come to the conclusion that I have wasted my high school career, and my life just... Being.... Just being and not actually living the life I wanted.

But now I'm going to...