Heaven, Hell & Room Service

Chapter 5: The Discovery

There comes a point in every good story when the plot gets ratcheted up in intrigue and interest. When, after a few establishing chapters have had their say, things start to heat up. More often than not, this ratcheting is caused by an event. An event that takes the characters from the defensive half court set into a fast break on the plot. This story is no different, and the 'cranking up' moment is now on fast approach.

It is, as a matter of fact, an event so key in the Afterlife that it brought about major policy reform in years to come. Whether or not this event was directly responsible for the eventual resignation of the Devil himself some five years later is up for debate. If you read the article entitled "The Error", published by Professor Harry Gibson in the Afterlife Anthology of Academia, it makes a pretty convincing case. Whether you take Dr. Gibson's word or not, there was no denying that this event was monumental in both life and death.

It happened on a Friday afternoon, a day that will be explored in greater detail very shortly. To begin, however, let's back things up to the Wednesday of the same week, where we can bear witness to an interaction between our three protagonists as they attempt to tackle a rather baffling query.

"So have we covered Gluttony?" Adam asked the other two.

"Adam, Em's like a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet," Neil answered. "She's not a glutton."

"We need to cover all of our bases systematically if we're gonna figure this out logically. Besides, gluttony doesn't have to mean food. Maybe you qualify as a sex addict or something."

Neil looked sharply at Adam. "Adam, you don't ask our good friend if she was a sex addict!"

Emily smiled. It was a very pretty smile I might add. "It's okay Neil, I want to figure this out as much as you guys."

"Well then...were you?" Neil asked. He found himself getting turned on waiting for the answer.

"Nope, waited until I had found my fiancé before handing in my V-card. Sorry to disappoint, but sex addict can't be the answer."

Perhaps here would be a good place to throw in some context for good measure. They were trying to figure out what had landed our dear heroine in Hell rather than Heaven. They had been started on this pet project when Adam had found an old, spiral-bound volume in the Book Depository entitled AFTERLIFE ADMISSIONS GUIDELINES: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW. Like any good resident of Hell, he had stolen it. They had since spent the majority of their free time engrossed in the crisp pages, trying to categorize Emily.

Adam sat with the book in front of him. "Alright then, sex addict is a no go. Any..." he checked the page "excessive consumption of luxury items that bettered your personal appearance?"

"Like what?"

"It says here examples can include overly expensive facial scrubs, glitter nail polish or herbal shampoos."

"You can go to Hell for using a lot of shampoo?" Neil exclaimed. "No wonder God looks like a hippy in all of the pictures."

Emily laughed. "You really are a vindictive bastard, aren't you? Anyway, nope on all fronts for me."

Adam made a note. "Alright, last thing in the Gluttony section, have you smoked a Cuban cigar?"

Neil snorted. "You've got to be [insert expletive] kidding me! God puts people away for smoking Havana's finest? There is no accounting for good taste among those holier than thou."

"Do you ever stop editorializing?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow in the direction of her friend.

"Opinionated journalist in life, opinionated journalist in death," he replied casually.