A Twist of Fate and A Time

Scarlet

Dear Red,

So many things have happened in the span of three years. But I don't have the courage to bury my feelings for you.

I think of you once in a while. I really do. Honestly, the thought of you not doing the same thing for me may deter my spirit, but it will never dishearten me. It's so odd that I am so drawn towards you, a man out of my league.

I felt your presence slowly creeping in every year since you left. During my senior year in high school, I became the valedictorian, not to anyone's surprise. I am a very persistent student, as you know and witnessed firsthand. Your fellow CLF teacher who taught in the elementary department, Sir Ryle, congratulated me a day or two before my graduation. He actually mentioned you as he greeted me. He said that you have told them that I am a bright student: that even though you transpose the questions, I could still answer your questions in class. That remark really warms my heart. I shared to my parents what Sir Ryle told me and they were happy for me, although they told me that I should not take those compliments and greetings seriously since it is possible that they would say the same thing to another if he/she was valedictorian. Naturally, I kept my reaction to myself. Would Sir Ryle tell my classmate the same thing if she was valedictorian? Would you think differently of me if I didn't reach the expectations laid out for me?

My first semester in college was okay in most aspects. There were a lot of adjustments to make, especially with my attitude and motivation towards my studies, my lunch area and the surroundings. It was quite hard to cope up at first since I saw few familiar faces. But it was consoling to find a best friend in my block, even though it was only near the end of the semester that we both realized that. She accompanied me to our student organization office to fill up the 51st International Eucharistic Congress Volunteer Form. I kept my fingers crossed for one month until I was officially part of the shortlist. I was proud to share my involvement in this opportunity of a lifetime. The 51st IEC slowly became a trending topic on Facebook, along with your diaconate ordination. My heart skipped a beat as I saw your face in the picture among those ordinated as deacon. I immediately shared it to my high school batch mates. I really felt proud for you, Red, since you were one step closer to your end goal. And I felt sad too, since it also meant that you were one step farther. We had some meetings here and there near the Cathedral for our preparations for the IEC, which means that I saw the tarpaulin of you and your fellow deacons. You look as handsome as ever. More comely, if I may add.

Fast forward to January 2016, I worked as part of the Food Committee volunteers under the Accounting side. At the back of my mind, I was hoping for the possibility of seeing you there during the Congress but that was nearly impossible since we weren't assigned to distribute the food to the delegates. We were almost glued to our chairs, counting vouchers and signing order forms for the food. But fast forward  again to March, we had our Food Committee Thanksgiving celebration. And we had to enter through your seminary. You could not believe how excited I was. I got to breathe the air that you breathed, to step on the ground you walked on. It was insane, this feeling in my chest. While waiting for my friend to arrive and the Mass to start, I was surprised to see you walking in front of the altar in the chapel. I could cry out of sheer surprise and joy. When you came out with the Archbishop, I felt so proud of you. Among all the deacons he ordained recently, he chose you. You are really the best one in the batch. When you read the Gospel, my heart could not be still. It has been so long since I heard your voice. It was really a lucky day for me since the Gospel was the Story of the Prodigal Son, which is quite long. Your English diction has changed. It has a twinge of Cebuano added to it, maybe due to your exposure as a deacon. But your English remained good nevertheless. During Communion, I intentionally queued where you were to give the Body of Christ. I was that crazy to see you again. That smile you gave me when you saw me made my night. I wished I could have talked to you, but you were busy in the company of your fellow religious men. I thought this was our last meeting for the year, but coincidence or destiny or God had other plans.

May came, and the feast of Saint Rita of Cascia was drawing near. We had novena Masses in order to prepare ourselves for the feast. For the 1st day, they invited the Auxiliary Bishop over to preside the Mass. When the Mass started, that's when I saw you in front. Of course you are the Bishop's favorite! I really wasn't expecting your presence that day. All throughout the Mass, I kept asking myself if you saw me. But my mother said otherwise, since it was dark outside and the lights in front were blinding. I wondered if you thought to yourself "This voice sounds familiar" when Mama sang the Responsorial Psalm. Those thoughts didn't matter when you saw me after the Mass, shook my hand, told the Lola who took a photo with you that I'm one of your best students, and asked if we could take a picture together. Red, I could really die on the spot after that photo opportunity. That was one of the happiest moments of my life. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world when we had our picture taken again. But I am to find the photographer and that file.

When I heard the news of your priestly ordination, I literally heard it on the radio on my way to school. My heart leaped when I heard your name. So proud of you once again for making it in 6 months. But it aches my heart to see you totally out of the league. I felt really happy when one of our teachers didn't hold his class that day, since I got to go to the Cathedral again to see your lovely face on the tarpaulin.

It's pretty clear. I am obsessed.

Red, I need to ask you some things and I hope you could help me in the best way you can. Red, why do you mean so much to me? Why do I love you? Who am I to you? Why can't I find a person of my own age like you? Why didn't you say anything three years ago when I told you that I'll take up Accounting? And now, when I told you that I am an Accountancy student, why you do act happy, smile and say that I'll be your accountant? When will I see you again? When will I know the answers to these questions?

Hope to see you again really soon. Best regards from all of us here: your former students and co-teachers.

Your student,
Chloe