A Twist of Fate and A Time

Red

{April 25, 2014}

I wish I never even met you. After 10 months of being here, you'll be there again, out in the world to fulfill your vocation with your fellowmen while I, I'll be continuing my state in life (so far) striving to live this teenage thing right.

Unknown to you, I was (and still am) astonished by the way you bring up topics to common adolescents like me. But you have this habit. You only have good small talk or chitchat or whatever one calls it with only the members of your gender. It's annoying. You talk to the Prefect of Discipline and some others boys younger than me when you were just hanging out at the book fair. Don't you like to talk about good books with the top people you meet everyday? Do you have a problem with that kind of situation? Or you just don't like to actually have a talk with people who are out of your league?

The good I feel inside whenever you're present and the little emptiness I feel when you're not around just came very subtly. I never told anyone that I felt that way, except during the time you were present during our Glee club practice one time. I just told them to straighten up since I really respect you that much. But for them, I think it's another story.

That feeling (correction: those feelings!) that I always get whenever I bump into you gives me a generally weird feeling.

When my classmates and I greet you while we're passing through the hall, you're sometimes in the deadma mode or something.

When you lecture us 4 times a week in class with your regular early time slot, it feels good since you are really gifted. And you're better in English than me. YOU better be teaching English too.

When I approach you for signing papers, you make the aura very awkward. Even our adviser says you're kinda weird. But it doesn't matter because I'm weird myself. Maybe even weirder.

When you open up a topic with me after letting you receive my paper (or something else), it's still awkward too. Remember the time that you asked me what I am going to take up in college? I answered you, "Accounting sir." After a few seconds, you gave me a spontaneous, cold look and walked away. Obviously I think you were going to the faculty room or your next class since we "talked" right after class.

And that time after the Glee club sang during the baccalaureate mass of the elementary graduates was weirder. I was already walking away from school with my male friend who is also in the Glee club. You passed by and I said, "Hi sir!". But you were actually in the deadma mode since you glared at both my friend and I and said nothing. What was all about? You thought he was my.... GRRR! The word would be too assuming if I should use it here.

And also that time when I was dreadfully late for my recognition day Mass (where I was supposed to sing the Responsorial Psalm) and I just did what I needed to just to take my place among the readers. I thanked my guts and adrenaline for being able to make it, but when I passed by you when I needed to go to the choir's side, you asked me the inevitable. "Asa man ka gikan Chloe?" That statement just crushed me that I wasn't able to answer you and I broke down for the whole day (except during the Recognition Day program, when I got a medal for excelling in your subject!)

Well, as they say, maybe the reason why you have a space in my heart is because of the fact that you have the awesome I wanted to find in the people of my generation... But you were not of my generation, so you're kind of an exemption, right? Well, it's kinda wrong.